Archive for 2007

The Idea Seems So Tawdry Now That I’m Peeing

Drunk redhead: Oh my god. I totally tore Hannah’s shirt tonight. I can’t believe I did that.
Friend in stall: Oh, she doesn’t even care, don’t worry about it.
Drunk redhead: But that was a new shirt! No one had ever worn it before, and now I ripped it. I was going to tell her to make up a crazy sex story about how it got torn, but I don’t know now.

–Restroom, Brother Jimmy’s, 80th & Amsterdam

Actual Easter Bunny: That Hits a Little Too Close to Home

Teen #1: So this kid, Jason — every time we go to a party, he takes a bunch of beers and hides them around whoever’s house we’re at.
Teen #2: You mean, where nobody could find them?
Teen #1: Yeah — in a potted plant, an underwear drawer, the mailbox — anywhere that will ensure him a beer later on.
Teen #2: Christ, he’s like an alcoholic Easter Bunny.

–Rockefeller Center

Overheard by: derwin

How Lois Got a Sneezer

Barista: Okay, and a name for your cup?
Tourist: What?!
Barista: Name for your cup?
Tourist: Why would I want to name my cup?!
Barista: Just tell me your name.
Tourist: I shouldn’t have to tell you my name — what is your problem? [Turns to friend] My lord, New York is so weird…

–Starbucks, Rockefeller Center

Overheard by: Megan Cowles

My Ringtone Is “Viva Kwangju”

Confused college student: My new cell phone is so ghetto. It lights up when it rings. It’s like a Las Vegas show. But I think the inside is nice. It’s like when you have a really crappy house, but it’s well-decorated. Like, on the interior…
Queer friend: Yeah, that’s how Koreans live.

–ArtePasta Restaurant, Greenwich Ave

Overheard by: Smarter College Student

Why Camus Wrote The Plague

Chick #1: You can’t, like, wear all black.
Chick #2: Well, not unless you’re a beatnik.
Chick #1: What’s that?
Chick #2: You know, the guys who wear berets and play the bongos?
Chick #1: Like the French?
Chick #2: [Nods.]Chick #1: Who knew they had bongos in France?!

–Manhattan-bound 7 train

Overheard by: Smarter than these two

What’s It Like?

Girl #1: What are you buying?
Girl #2: Glue.
Girl #1: Why?
Creepster behind them: For sex.
Girl #2: No.
Creepster: She’s buying it for sex.
Girl #2: Actually, no.
Creepster: Glue is for sex.
Girl #2: No, it’s for eyelashes.
Creepster: Haha. Sex.
Girl #2: It’s glue.
Creepster: Oh, I thought you said, ‘lube.’ Lube is for sex.
Girls: [Silence.]Creepster: Haha. Sex.

–Port Authority

Overheard by: Shubester

That’s Some Sandwich

Mom to five-year-old son eating sandwich at a wake: Put that sandwich down! Your grandfather is dead and you’re eating a sandwich!
Boy: [Spits out food and drops sandwich to floor] Is he alive now?

–Bronx

Overheard by: Culturally Confuzzled Human