Archive for 2007

A Gentleman Never Spells and Tells

Big, sleazy blonde: Are you fucking kidding me! You’ve never had sex?
Mormon guy: No, I promised myself I would save that for marriage.
Big, sleazy blonde: Oh my fucking goodness. What is this, an audition for the 40-year-old virgin movie?
Mormon guy: Haha, well, I’m not 40 yet.
Big, sleazy blonde: So, what do all you Mormons do when you date?
Mormon guy: Oh, you know — hold hands, talk, long walks on the beach, Scrabble…
Big, sleazy blonde: So, for you Mormons Scrabble is like sex, then?

–Metro North

Overheard by: trying my best not to laugh

Really, What Else Is There to Be Sad About?

Hipster girl #1: Can you be emo with a big dick?
Hipster girl #2: No, I don’t think so. I’m pretty sure it has to be small for you to be emo.
Hipster girl #1: Sir! Excuse me, sir! Can I ask you a question? Can you be emo with a big dick or a small dick?
Passerby: Probably small.
Hipster girl #2: See?! I told you.

–Prince & Mercer

Overheard by: I guess I can’t be emo

And Some Gum

Distraught girlfriend: Excuse me, do you have an inhaler? My boyfriend is having a severe asthma attack!
Teen chick passerby: Oh my god! Here, take my breath spray!

–Central Park