Archive for 2007

I’ve Gotta Stop Dropping My Stuff

Dude on cell, leaning against door: Yeah, and then she texted me, ‘I’m pregnant, you’re the father,’ and I stopped in the middle of the street and screamed, ‘Fuck!‘
NYU student pushing open door: Excuse me.
Dude, dropping cell: Fuck!

–NYU Library

Overheard by: Ms. Manners

Why Do All These People’s Cell Phones Work on the Subway?

Ghetto nerd chick #1, to girl talking about Harry Potter on cell: Aw, hell, no she didn’t! I have not been reading that shit since I was 13 to have the final ending fucked up by some crackwhore-looking bitch on her stupid pink faggot phone! Oh, fuck you, bitch! Fuck you! I’m going to kill you, feed you to wolves, then nuclear bomb the entire planet!
Ghetto nerd chick #2, into cell: I know, yeah… What? Oh, just some crazy bitch. Yeah, and can you believe that they killed off–
Ghetto nerd chick #1, covering her ears and singing: –Stuck on a train with a big fat whore. Stuck on a train. La-lala-lala…

–S train

Hamilton Was Cute, but I Hear Lincoln Had a Giant Cock

White teen girl, about statue of Alexander Hamilton: Look at him! I mean, he’s such a dreamboat… That’s why he’s my favorite federalist.
Mom: And what did your class call him?
White teen girl: Hammy! And he was big pals with B‑Frank, and Johnny Ads, and G‑Dubya, and J‑Marsh, and… And… And I can’t remember any more founding fathers, but of course they all had their own gangsta names, too. They were big pimpin’ over there in Independence Hall. The only things they were missing were the hos… And that’s why Abby A. wanted them to remember the ladies.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: That other girl