Archive for 2007

Imagine Eating When You Were Hungry and Still Being Loved

Big latina: I want to get to the gym more often.
Bigger latina: Yeah, I need to get around to that, too.
Big latina: The problem is, though, my man tells me he don’t want to go to the gym. He said he likes my weight right now and I shouldn’t lose any.
Bigger latina: He right.

–Dunkin’ Donuts, Queens

No! He’s Catholic

Hipster #1: Mom said since he’s had an erection for that long, they need to chop it off.
Hipster #2: That’s stupid. Why do they need to chop off his penis?
Hipster #1: It doesn’t matter — I think iguanas have two.
Hipster #2: Couldn’t they just jerk him off?

–Mandate of Heaven, 347 Grand St

Well, Maybe Just Seven

SUNY purchase student #1: My fucking head hurts.
SUNY purchase student #2 pulling out bag of white pills: Dude, take these pills. You’ll feel better.
SUNY purchase student #1: Uh… What are they?
SUNY purchase student #2: Uh, codeine I think? I don’t know. Yeah, I stole them from a kid at the party last night. He said he found them in a garbage can.
SUNY purchase student #1: Jesus, dude, no.

–Grand Central

They Accomplished So Much Less Than That

Little boy #1: I wish dinosaurs lived in Central Park.
Little boy #2: Dinosaurs aren’t real — they’re from the TV.
Little boy #3: Dinosaurs are real, they just live on other planets.
Little boy #2: Like Pluto!
Little boy #1: Pluto isn’t a planet anymore. The scientists blowed it up.

–M86 bus

Overheard by: pluto is still a planet to me