Woman #1: Have you tried Lichido?
Woman #2: Is that a new kind of karate or something?
Woman #1: It’s a liquor.
Woman #2: Don’t you mean ‘kicker’?
Woman #1: Why do I talk to you?
–Astor Wines & Spirits, Astor Pl
Archive for 2007
More Often, It Works the Other Way Around
Dude #1: So, you want to hear about my trip to Miami?
Dude #2: Yeah, why not — just let me order a bottle of J.D. first, then it will get really interesting!
Dude #1: Yeah, fuck Miami, let’s get dead drunk and plan a murder.
Dude #2: Seriously, who do you have to fuck to get drunk around here?
–Double Seven Bar, 418 W 14th St
I Want to Know How Jealous to Be
A Nutcracker ballerina still in full costume enters elevator filled with women who just saw the show.
Woman #1: Look, we have a star among us.
Woman #2: You were wonderful.
Woman #3: Just beautiful!
Woman #4: What do you weigh, anyway?
–Elevator, Lincoln Center
Good Luck with the Pregnancy
Girl #1: Hey, Sarah*, it’s great to see you! Great, um, tunic! Are those stretch pants?
Girl #2: No.
Girl #1: Oh! Because on you, they totally look like stretch pants! Rock on!
–Floyd bar, Atlantic Ave, Brooklyn
Overheard by: A White Bear
Passport and Visa — Both in Order?
Man #1: Can you tell me where I can get the F train to Brooklyn from here?
Man #2: Are you sure you want to do that?
–Union Square
Overheard by: alexandra
They Watched Until I Finished, and Then Kicked Me Out
Redhead: I was so wasted that I ended up fucking this guy right on the bar. On the bar.
Brunette: You what?!
Redhead: Yeah, they told me to never, ever come back in there again.
Brunette: Holy shit.
Redhead: Oh, but it gets worse.
Brunette: How can it possibly get worse?
Redhead: He was a big, fat guy.
Brunette: You really shouldn’t do shots.
–Washington Square
She Apologized When the A Train Swallowed Its Own Tail
Chick #1: Did you ever stop and think about trains? Like, they’re just like, so weird. They’re like… snakes.
Chick #2: Are you high?
–A train
Wasn’t This an Eddie Murphy Skit?
Hobo: You’re all a bunch of cheap people!
Conductor: This is Myrtle Avenue, Wyckoff Avenue. All the cheap people are getting off here.
–M train
Overheard by: Cait O’Connor
Wednesday One-Liners Shop at Williams-Sonoma
Girl: So I was sitting in my stew pot…
–60th & Lex
Overheard by: eliz
50-ish lady to teen daughter: I’m so confused about bowls.
–Housewares aisle, Target, Brooklyn
Overheard by: BrooklynQ
Girl with leaky coffee cup: Man, she gave me the bootleg cup! How come she gave me the bootleg cup? Man, I got the bootleg cup.
–Outside coffee shop, Times Square
Old guy: Hey, good to see you! Do you got a sharp knife?
–90th & Broadway
Mom: Spatula! Spatula! I have two words for you, spatula: Be-have!
–C train
Overheard by: Liz
Middle-aged guy to another on park bench: Man, I could sure use a nice bowl of genital soup.
–Central Park
Wednesday One-Liners Still Celebrate Columbus Day
Jersey lady pointing at a French bulldog: Look at this face! He’s adorable! He looks Italian!
–26th & 7th
Overheard by: sara n.
College chick: You were born in Italy? That’s awesome… Speak some Italy for me. Wait, that’s what you speak, right?
–Classroom
Drunk yelling at a pizza shop: Who the fuck are you? You’re fucking Mexican! You’re not Italian! I’m Italian!! I make the fucking pizzas in this town!
–Bedford and N 7th St
Overheard by: Actually I’m from Equador
Guy: I feel like I’m at a dry-cleaning convention that is being shaken down by the mob.
–Korean-Italian wedding
Overheard by: Retarded Quarterback
Old lady with a cane: My father is Jewish and my mother is Italian, and I am in therapy.
–Lower Manhattan
