Archive for 2007

Good Luck with the Pregnancy

Girl #1: Hey, Sarah*, it’s great to see you! Great, um, tunic! Are those stretch pants?
Girl #2: No.
Girl #1: Oh! Because on you, they totally look like stretch pants! Rock on!

–Floyd bar, Atlantic Ave, Brooklyn

Overheard by: A White Bear

They Watched Until I Finished, and Then Kicked Me Out

Redhead: I was so wasted that I ended up fucking this guy right on the bar. On the bar.
Brunette: You what?!
Redhead: Yeah, they told me to never, ever come back in there again.
Brunette: Holy shit.
Redhead: Oh, but it gets worse.
Brunette: How can it possibly get worse?
Redhead: He was a big, fat guy.
Brunette: You really shouldn’t do shots.

–Washington Square

Wednesday One-Liners Shop at Williams-Sonoma

Girl: So I was sitting in my stew pot…

–60th & Lex

Overheard by: eliz

50-ish lady to teen daughter: I’m so confused about bowls.

–Housewares aisle, Target, Brooklyn

Overheard by: BrooklynQ

Girl with leaky coffee cup: Man, she gave me the bootleg cup! How come she gave me the bootleg cup? Man, I got the bootleg cup.

–Outside coffee shop, Times Square

Old guy: Hey, good to see you! Do you got a sharp knife?

–90th & Broadway

Mom: Spatula! Spatula! I have two words for you, spatula: Be-have!

–C train

Overheard by: Liz

Middle-aged guy to another on park bench: Man, I could sure use a nice bowl of genital soup.

–Central Park

Wednesday One-Liners Still Celebrate Columbus Day

Jersey lady pointing at a French bulldog: Look at this face! He’s adorable! He looks Italian!

–26th & 7th

Overheard by: sara n.

College chick: You were born in Italy? That’s awesome… Speak some Italy for me. Wait, that’s what you speak, right?

–Classroom

Drunk yelling at a pizza shop: Who the fuck are you? You’re fucking Mexican! You’re not Italian! I’m Italian!! I make the fucking pizzas in this town!

–Bedford and N 7th St

Overheard by: Actually I’m from Equador

Guy: I feel like I’m at a dry-cleaning convention that is being shaken down by the mob.

–Korean-Italian wedding

Overheard by: Retarded Quarterback

Old lady with a cane: My father is Jewish and my mother is Italian, and I am in therapy.

–Lower Manhattan