Archive for 2007

The Right to Walk to Work

Con­duc­tor: Uh, ma’am, you can’t stand in the door­way.
Woman: Why not?
Con­duc­tor: Be­cause then the train won’t move.
Woman: And who’s it to you to tell me what I can and can’t do on this train? I’m a New York­er, I have rights!
Con­duc­tor: I’m the con­duc­tor.
Woman: Well, then I don’t want to be on your train!

–A train

Over­heard by: Cal­man­dodd

Yeah, but I Can’t Re­mem­ber Who To

Dude #1: So, when did you get mar­ried?
Dude #2: I got mar­ried four weeks ago, in Ve­gas!
Dude #1: Re­al­ly?
Dude #2: Yeah. Ap­par­ent­ly Elvis was­n’t wear­ing any un­der­wear when he mar­ried us, and some of the guests saw Lit­tle Elvis.
Dude #1: Ugh, bum­mer, dude! Are you sure you’re re­al­ly mar­ried?

–1 train

Over­heard by: LG

They’re Even Worse

Tourist hub­by: Ex­cuse me, how can I get to Broad­way?
New York­er: Take the A, C, L, J, or Z down­town — re­mem­ber, down­town — all the way to Broad­way Junc­tion. It’s fair­ly far, but you can’t miss it.
Tourist wifey: Wow, New York­ers are not the ass­holes peo­ple say they are.

–Union Square sub­way sta­tion

Over­heard by: Ting

Spit­ting All the Way

Cab­bie: So, you and your hus­band are look­ing for prop­er­ty?
Chick: No, he’s just my boyfriend. We live to­geth­er.
Cab­bie: That is not good. You have to leash your camel tight or else they run away. Run away fast.

–Cab

Over­heard by: Friend of Un­mar­ried Gal

I Mean, Come On! How Many Times Did the Bar­bar­ians Sack Rome?

Asian girl #1: So Ali­cia is, like, half-Por­tuguese be­cause her mom is Por­tuguese.
Asian girl #2: I thought she was Brazil­ian…
Asian girl #1: Yeah, Brazil­ian. And her dad is Ital­ian. Like from Italy. He’s, like, a hun­dred per­cent.
Asian girl #2: Wow.
Asian girl #1: I know! It’s, like, un­be­liev­able.

–As­to­ria