Archive for 2007

Call Me Ishmael

Girl #1: Every time we go out she’s all like, ‘I need a boyfriend sooo bad!’ And all she does is bitch about how she doesn’t have a boyfriend. Well, it’s like, ‘Of course you don’t have a boyfriend — maybe if your blubber didn’t hang down over your jeans some guy would want you.’ No guy wants to mount a beached whale… Well, unless they’re into that kind of thing…
Girl #2: I know the perfect guy.
Girl #1: I bet he’s real hot.

–Columbia University

He Almost Has to Be a Dick to Compensate

Girl #1: He was, like, a total dick, you know? But it’s like, he’s allowed to be, you know?
Girl #2: Well, yeah. He’s a straight NYU guy who plays soccer.
Girl #1: Yeah. So he could get away with it.

–Cantor Film Center, NYU

Overheard by: not an nyu straight guy

Situational Ethics

Girl #1: Hey, your tag is still on your sweatshirt.
Girl #2: I know. I’m thinking about returning it.
Girl #3, a minute later: Hey, your tag is still on your sweatshirt.
Girl #2: I know! I’m hip hop.