Archive for 2007

Lit­tle-Known Fact: Chelsea’s an Open Air Prison

Lit­tle girl: And I’ll be the mom­my and you’ll be the dad­dy and she’ll be the ba­by!
Lit­tle boy: No, I want to be the mom­my!
Lit­tle girl: Well, we can’t be gay, be­cause that’s il­le­gal in New York.
Nan­ny: Who told you that?!
Lit­tle girl: My mom­my.

–Rite Aid, 14th & 6th

Over­heard by: Moni­ka

You Al­ways Hat­ed My Fa­ther

Mom: What time is the flight to­mor­row?
Dad: Sev­en a.m. We have to get up at 4:30.
Lit­tle girl: Mom­my, we’re go­ing on an air­plane?
Mom: Yes, hon­ey, we’re go­ing to Flori­da to­mor­row.
Lit­tle girl: Why are we go­ing to Flori­da, Mom­my?
Mom: We’re go­ing to Grand­pa’s un­veil­ing.
Lit­tle girl, ter­ri­fied: Mom­my, I don’t want to see Grand­pa. He’s dead and scary.
Dad: [Laughing.]Mom: Robert, shut up!

–Christo­pher & 7th Ave

Over­heard by: Surfer Dude #1

Let ‘A’ Equal Our Bed, and ‘B’ Equal the Mi­ni-Bar

Tourist man: Hon­ey, why don’t we just go back to the room?
Tourist woman: Okay. We’re all go­ing to calm down. We’ve done every­thing we can do. The po­lice re­port has been filed. We’re all go­ing to for­get. We’re go­ing to take a deep breath, and we’re go­ing to move on. A new trip, a new be­gin­ning. Our new ob­jec­tive is to sim­ply ma­neu­ver from point A to point B with­out get­ting mugged.

–Out­side Ur­ban Out­fit­ters, 72nd & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Katie

Let’s Go Rent Big Clits Big Lips

Drunk 30-ish woman #1, lean­ing on friend: Is­n’t it amaz­ing how small men’s dicks get when they’re… you know… down?
Drunk 30-ish woman #2: It’s more amaz­ing how small some men’s dicks are when they’re ac­tu­al­ly up.

–1 train plat­form

Over­heard by: try­ing not to laugh

Tough Talk for a Kid from the Bronx

Teacher: What coun­try do we live in?
Very en­thu­si­as­tic lit­tle boy: The Unit­ed States of New York!
Teacher, a few min­utes lat­er: Can some­one name a state out­side of New York?
Very en­thu­si­as­tic lit­tle boy: Brook­lyn!

–First grade class­room, the Bronx