Archive for 2007

The Boss Says, “No One Says ‘Moth­er­fuck­er’ in Front of Me,” and Gary’s Out on His Ass

Hip­ster #1: I’ll ask Gary.
Hip­ster #2: Gary got fired. He was robbed at gun­point when he went to buy drugs.
Hip­ster #1: And he got fired for that? How did his boss know?
Hip­ster #2: Well, peo­ple talk, you know, so the boss called Gary in and asked him straight out if he got robbed while buy­ing drugs.
Hip­ster #1: And Gary ad­mit­ted it?
Hip­ster #2: Nah, he said, ‘I was­n’t robbed, I kicked that moth­er­fuck­er’s ass.’

–Prospect Park

Over­heard by: Patrick Di Jus­to

Where’s Mr. T When You Need Him?

Eight-year old posse leader to clerk: Nah, don’t look at me, man. Yo, I’m se­ri­ous. Fuck you. I’ll shoot you. I’ll shoot you right now. I’ll shoot you in the face. You don’t beleeb me? I got a BB gun right now in my pock­et. I’ll shoot you in the face, man. You know what? It’ll hurt. It’ll hurt, too, man. I’ll shoot you in your face. Right now. Yeah. [Takes big swig of Sprite.] Yeah. I’ll shoot you… In the face, yo. [Leaves with posse, flip­ping off clerk.]Customer: Wow.
Clerk: Yeah, they’re our fu­ture.

–Con­ve­nience store, 122nd & Lex

Over­heard by: I just want­ed some 40’s…

Makes Me Ques­tion My Mas­culin­i­ty

Cop #1: Whoop­ie, whoop­ie, whoop­ie…
Cop #2: What are you talk­ing about?
Cop #1: You know — [twirls fin­ger].
Cop #2: No, what the hell are you talk­ing about?
Cop #1: I hear she’s a re­al wild fuck!
Cop #2: Yeah, I just nev­er saw my­self work­ing for a woman.

–24-hour din­er, 52nd & 8th