Yuppie lady #1: I just love jogging around the reservoir in Central Park at dawn.
Yuppie lady #2: Yeah, it’s great… The only people out at that time are fitness fanatics and crackheads.
–Elevator, Time Warner Center
Archive for 2007
The Chihuahua in the Purse Got the Worst of It
Woman furiously swinging her purse at tourist seated next to her: What?! You were sitting on my hand the entire way! You deserve this!
Tourist: Uh, thank you.
–6 train
Overheard by: naners
“Eccentric Town” to the Wealthier Residents
Man: Do you know what station this is going to?
Passenger #1: Crazy town!
Passenger #2: [Nods.]Man: [Backs away slowly.]
–Port Washington train, Penn Station
Overheard by: Matt
Well, Tied with “Fuck”
Teacher: Why shouldn’t they ban the N-word in New York City?
Black kid: Because it’s my favorite word!
–Wings Academy, Bronx
Wait, Where Ya Goin’? I Got Mints!
Drunk guy on cell: Yeah, man, all this stuff happened… It was fucked up.
Blonde: Could you please keep it down a little?
Drunk guy on cell: Man, this blonde bitch in front of me wants me to shut up. Dumb bitch. [hangs up and addresses blonde] Sorry about that. So, where are you going tonight?
–LIRR, between Penn & Jamaica
Fur Trappers of the Marine Air Terminal
Service person #1: Ha! They all think we’re gonna shoot them.
Service person #2: No, we won’t shoot you, but I will shoot that woman in the fur coat over there.
–Marine Air terminal, LaGuardia
Overheard by: Pick-Qwick
The Penthouse Belongs to His Brother Who Bought into the Lie
Little nephew: The kids who celebrate Kwanzaa at my school said that Santa Claus doesn’t exist.
Drunk uncle: You should tell them that the myth of a college education and a prosperous life that they belief in are an even bigger lie!
–Penthouse, Park Ave
I Know That Guy, and His Dick Is Huge
Boyfriend about loud passing motorcycle: You know, guys who clean their pipes like that have small genitalia.
Girlfriend: Well… I’m not so sure about that.
–18th & Park
Overheard by: Bob who likes to walk
This Is Just Like the Time at That Funeral
Mid-30s male: I thought that we would see more chicks in this place…
Mid-50s male: Yeah! I mean, this is, like, a total sausage-fest in here.
Mid-30s male: Look at that slut over there. You could see her fucking nipples from a mile away.
Mid-50s male: I can’t see shit. Where’s my fucking glasses when I need them?
–MoMA
Overheard by: Wow! Where are the women
But It’s Easier to Keep Having Abortions Than to Think about It
Tall brunette: No — ovulating! There’s a difference between menstruating and ovulating.
Short brunette: I still don’t get it.
–Olive Garden