Archive for 2007

How about If I Smoke It and Don’t Go?

Hip­ster #1: Shit, I for­got the wine.
Hip­ster #2: You’re such an id­iot. Where is it?
Hip­ster #1: I don’t know, in some store some­where. But it’s okay, be­cause I have a joint.
Hip­ster #2: You can’t bring a joint if she in­vit­ed us for din­ner. It’s not a ‘thank you’ if you’re just gonna smoke it.

–Brook­lyn-bound F train

Over­heard by: Yiri­am Madi­son

Even If She Lives

20-some­thing girl: You know, it’s just not in Don­na… It’s just not in her hema-… hema-… What’s it called? It’s just not in her hematoma to be cool.
Friend: To­tal­ly! I know! No mat­ter how she cuts her hair at any age she’ll just nev­er look good.

–86th & 3rd

Over­heard by: Ab­by

To Treat My Mis­an­thropy

Chick: Okay, here is my job ap­pli­ca­tion. Un­der ‘Goals’ I have, ‘Get my peo­ple skills to a com­fort­able lev­el.’ For ‘Steps to Achieve These Goals’ I have, ‘Right now I am pas­sive-ag­gres­sive, but I am work­ing to be­come more ag­gres­sive.‘
Dude: Um­mm, I think you should take out the first ‘ag­gres­sive.’ Any­way, you aren’t pas­sive-ag­gres­sive, you are bipo­lar.
Chick: I am not! I just hate every­one!
Dude: Then why do you take the crazy pills?

–A train, near Canal St

Oh, and the Kid

20-ish girl: Oh my god, your back­pack has your ini­tials on it!
20-ish dude: What? It’s from high school…
20-ish girl: Je­sus. The on­ly thing I have from high school is her­pes.

–41st & Broad­way

Over­heard by: june

In His Mag­num Opus, The Great Gats­by

Suit: I was up in Toron­to last week. It was nice, but it was re­al­ly cold.
Guy: Yeah, it’s beau­ti­ful up there, but they get win­ter re­al­ly ear­ly. It’s like that Shake­speare line, ‘It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.‘
Suit: [Be­fud­dled si­lence.]

–LIRR in­to Penn Sta­tion

Over­heard by: It was Dick­ens, Dick­Wad

Safest Thing, Re­al­ly

Bar­ber­shop mu­sic segues from the God­fa­ther theme to an old-time jazz tune.

Old Ital­ian bar­ber #1: That’s nice mu­sic.
Old Ital­ian bar­ber #2: Yeah, we on­ly play dead guys in here.

–Park Slope Bar­ber Shop

Over­heard by: Russ Wall