Overheard In New York

Archive for 2007

From The Sensuous Nazi

Girl #1: What would you do if a guy took you to a hotel for Valentine’s Day?
Girl #2: I guess I’d be like, ‘Oh, how sweet…’ Get into bed… Then shove a glass vase up his ass and run away. Naked. If he moved the glass vase would break and tear up his asshole, and he’d be pooping shards of glass out for a week.

–Park Slope

Or the Last Viking Unicorn?

NYU bimbette #1: Yeah, see, I totally think there’s something fishy about Dumbledore’s death — especially his funeral. Like, why was he buried out at sea?
NYU bimbette #2: He wasn’t. He was buried at Hogwarts.
NYU bimbette #1: Wait… Am I thinking of First Knight?

–Union Square

Overheard by: Felony

Wait  — What Might Be Pointed?

Yuppie #1: I saw Lord of the Rings for the first time last night. I’m totally hot for Galadriel.
Yuppie #2: You mean Cate Blanchett.
Yuppie #1: No, man. Galadriel. If I was Frodo I would be like, ‘Thanks for the light thingy, milady. Maybe there’s something I could do for you?‘
Yuppie #2: Yeah, but she’s an elf. Who knows what they got goin’ on down there.
Yuppie #1: You mean it might be pointed?

–Gotham Bar & Grill

I Told You He Had Some Kennedy Blood in Him

Little boy in stroller pats a woman on the thigh reaching for a chain hanging from her pocket.

Woman: Oh, no! You don’t touch strange women! You don’t touch strange women! Otherwise they might touch you back… Oh, aren’t you a sweetheart?! [To his parents] Oh, yeah. He knows what he’s doing.

–Brooklyn-bound L train

Just Colors, Though, at Least for Now

Girl #1: So, are you and Evan still hooking up?
Girl #2: Oh, yeah. Yeah, we are. But, I mean, I don’t know how I really feel. It’s starting to get really serious! Like, right now we’re doing laundry together.

–Fordham University

Overheard by: Sromeo