Archive for 2007

Kin­da Like the Whole God/Abraham Thing

Dude: Did you see that home­less guy’s sign? It said he want­ed mon­ey for a hook­er.
Chick: Re­al­ly?
Dude: Yeah… Do you think a hook­er has to sleep with a home­less guy if he has the mon­ey?
Chick: I don’t know…
Dude: Well, I guess if her pimp tells her she has to then she has to.

–Times Square

Over­heard by: Er­ic

From The Sen­su­ous Nazi

Girl #1: What would you do if a guy took you to a ho­tel for Valen­tine’s Day?
Girl #2: I guess I’d be like, ‘Oh, how sweet…’ Get in­to bed… Then shove a glass vase up his ass and run away. Naked. If he moved the glass vase would break and tear up his ass­hole, and he’d be poop­ing shards of glass out for a week.

–Park Slope

Or the Last Viking Uni­corn?

NYU bim­bette #1: Yeah, see, I to­tal­ly think there’s some­thing fishy about Dum­b­le­dore’s death — es­pe­cial­ly his fu­ner­al. Like, why was he buried out at sea?
NYU bim­bette #2: He was­n’t. He was buried at Hog­warts.
NYU bim­bette #1: Wait… Am I think­ing of First Knight?

–Union Square

Over­heard by: Felony

Wait — What Might Be Point­ed?

Yup­pie #1: I saw Lord of the Rings for the first time last night. I’m to­tal­ly hot for Gal­adriel.
Yup­pie #2: You mean Cate Blanchett.
Yup­pie #1: No, man. Gal­adriel. If I was Fro­do I would be like, ‘Thanks for the light thingy, mi­la­dy. Maybe there’s some­thing I could do for you?‘
Yup­pie #2: Yeah, but she’s an elf. Who knows what they got goin’ on down there.
Yup­pie #1: You mean it might be point­ed?

–Gotham Bar & Grill

I Told You He Had Some Kennedy Blood in Him

Lit­tle boy in stroller pats a woman on the thigh reach­ing for a chain hang­ing from her pock­et.

Woman: Oh, no! You don’t touch strange women! You don’t touch strange women! Oth­er­wise they might touch you back… Oh, aren’t you a sweet­heart?! [To his par­ents] Oh, yeah. He knows what he’s do­ing.

–Brook­lyn-bound L train

Just Col­ors, Though, at Least for Now

Girl #1: So, are you and Evan still hook­ing up?
Girl #2: Oh, yeah. Yeah, we are. But, I mean, I don’t know how I re­al­ly feel. It’s start­ing to get re­al­ly se­ri­ous! Like, right now we’re do­ing laun­dry to­geth­er.

–Ford­ham Uni­ver­si­ty

Over­heard by: Sromeo