60-year-old lady: You have the hottest cock I’ve seen since Woodstock 1969.
24-year-old guy: Oh, yeah?
60-year-old lady: Did you know I banged Mick Jagger?
–88th & 2nd
Overheard by: MX
60-year-old lady: You have the hottest cock I’ve seen since Woodstock 1969.
24-year-old guy: Oh, yeah?
60-year-old lady: Did you know I banged Mick Jagger?
–88th & 2nd
Overheard by: MX
Dude: Did you see that homeless guy’s sign? It said he wanted money for a hooker.
Chick: Really?
Dude: Yeah… Do you think a hooker has to sleep with a homeless guy if he has the money?
Chick: I don’t know…
Dude: Well, I guess if her pimp tells her she has to then she has to.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Eric
Girl #1: What would you do if a guy took you to a hotel for Valentine’s Day?
Girl #2: I guess I’d be like, ‘Oh, how sweet…’ Get into bed… Then shove a glass vase up his ass and run away. Naked. If he moved the glass vase would break and tear up his asshole, and he’d be pooping shards of glass out for a week.
–Park Slope
Bimbette #1: Yeah, that party was so hot, and that guy was so sweet, you know? He really didn’t have to buy me a drink.
Bimbette #2: Yeah, that’s why you did a good job in choosing to hook up with him!
–Spring St platform
NYU bimbette #1: Yeah, see, I totally think there’s something fishy about Dumbledore’s death — especially his funeral. Like, why was he buried out at sea?
NYU bimbette #2: He wasn’t. He was buried at Hogwarts.
NYU bimbette #1: Wait… Am I thinking of First Knight?
–Union Square
Overheard by: Felony
Yuppie #1: I saw Lord of the Rings for the first time last night. I’m totally hot for Galadriel.
Yuppie #2: You mean Cate Blanchett.
Yuppie #1: No, man. Galadriel. If I was Frodo I would be like, ‘Thanks for the light thingy, milady. Maybe there’s something I could do for you?‘
Yuppie #2: Yeah, but she’s an elf. Who knows what they got goin’ on down there.
Yuppie #1: You mean it might be pointed?
–Gotham Bar & Grill
Professor: So, does anybody know why the ocean is salty?
Bimbette: Isn’t it because of all the whale sperm?
–Oceanography class, Kingsborough Community College, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Anti-Traffic Girl
Little boy in stroller pats a woman on the thigh reaching for a chain hanging from her pocket.
Woman: Oh, no! You don’t touch strange women! You don’t touch strange women! Otherwise they might touch you back… Oh, aren’t you a sweetheart?! [To his parents] Oh, yeah. He knows what he’s doing.
–Brooklyn-bound L train
Girl #1: So, are you and Evan still hooking up?
Girl #2: Oh, yeah. Yeah, we are. But, I mean, I don’t know how I really feel. It’s starting to get really serious! Like, right now we’re doing laundry together.
–Fordham University
Overheard by: Sromeo
Drunk chick crying and vomiting: This wouldn’t be so bad if I wasn’t sure I was pregnant.
Friend, dismissively: Well, what are you gonna do?
–ACE Bar bathroom, LES
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist