Archive for 2007

Well, Did You Have a Boo-Boo on Your Anus?

12-year-old skater kid: Dad, is there such a thing as a friend­ly kiss?
Dad: I will nei­ther con­firm nor de­ny the ve­rac­i­ty of that state­ment at this time.
12-year-old skater kid: What a nerd. Mom?
Mom: De­pends where it was, hon­ey.
12-year-old skater kid, in­to cell: Dude, where did she kiss you?

–Toys “R” Us

Sur­vival Skills Are for Pussies

Suit #1: Life pre­servers are for pussies.
Suit #2: Yeah, I can make a flota­tion de­vice out of my jeans.
Suit #1: Oh, yeah? Were you in the Navy?
Suit #2: No, I just took a wa­ter safe­ty class. But that’s why the guys in the Navy wear bell-bot­toms — so they can take their pants off with­out tak­ing off their boots, so their feet won’t freeze.
Suit #3: Can you use any jeans for this?
Suit #2: Fire-re­sis­tant ones are best.

–El­e­va­tor, 61 Broad­way

Over­heard by: Dun­can Pflaster