Teen girl #1: I hate riding in her car.
Teen girl #2: I know! It smells like dog, and then you look like dog.
–Bushwick
Overheard by: -|
Archive for 2007
Well, Did You Have a Boo-Boo on Your Anus?
12-year-old skater kid: Dad, is there such a thing as a friendly kiss?
Dad: I will neither confirm nor deny the veracity of that statement at this time.
12-year-old skater kid: What a nerd. Mom?
Mom: Depends where it was, honey.
12-year-old skater kid, into cell: Dude, where did she kiss you?
–Toys “R” Us
Where Lawyers Come From
Spazzed customer: Yo, dude, I need something to help me concentrate. I have to take a really big test and then I can forget it all. I have to take the bar — have you heard of that? It’s for being a lawyer.
Employee: Um, well, we have this herbal product to increase the blood flow to your brain.
Spazzed customer: Can I smoke pot with it?
Employee: Uh, sure.
Spazzed customer: Great. You take credit cards?
Employee: Yeah.
Spazzed customer: Great, thanks [leaves the store without buying anything].
–GNC, Astoria
Plus, My AdSense Numbers Are Down
Office diva: You read my blog on lesbian wolf packs?
Office janitrix: Not yet.
Office diva: Gotta check it out. Shit’s pretty intense.
–W 25th St
I Don’t Know How You Guys Can Walk around with All That Dangly Stuff
Jogging man: Well, let’s just say there’s more than one use for a pocket.
Jogging woman: Ewww! Gross!
–Prospect Park
Survival Skills Are for Pussies
Suit #1: Life preservers are for pussies.
Suit #2: Yeah, I can make a flotation device out of my jeans.
Suit #1: Oh, yeah? Were you in the Navy?
Suit #2: No, I just took a water safety class. But that’s why the guys in the Navy wear bell-bottoms — so they can take their pants off without taking off their boots, so their feet won’t freeze.
Suit #3: Can you use any jeans for this?
Suit #2: Fire-resistant ones are best.
–Elevator, 61 Broadway
Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster
And Finding Ways to Make Them Taste Like Meat
Girl: We vegetarians love the environment. Carnivores are sick freaks.
Male passerby: How can vegetarians love the environment? You keep eating all the plants!
–93rd & Lex
Overheard by: Carnivore
Anybody Can Be Happy to See a Good Kid
Mom: Grandma was happy to see you. Why did you have to go and kick her legs?
Little boy, shrugging: Sawww-eee.
–45th & Lex
And That’s How I Got the Idea for My Animal Proctology Practice
Man with kid: So, that day I was holding my dog and walking down the stairs when all of a sudden I just fell… And guess what?! My dog landed flat on my face! His ass was on my face! His ass!
Friend: Ummm…
–Springfield, Queens
You’re Both Watching The Da Vinci Code
Girl #1: Don’t you think it’s crazy how the Bible was written in English?
Girl #2: I’m pretty sure it was written in Latin first…
Girl #1: I’m an idiot.
—Da Vinci Code showing, AMC Empire 25 theater
Overheard by: Jenn