Archive for 2007

Well, Did You Have a Boo-Boo on Your Anus?

12-year-old skater kid: Dad, is there such a thing as a friendly kiss?
Dad: I will neither confirm nor deny the veracity of that statement at this time.
12-year-old skater kid: What a nerd. Mom?
Mom: Depends where it was, honey.
12-year-old skater kid, into cell: Dude, where did she kiss you?

–Toys “R” Us

Where Lawyers Come From

Spazzed customer: Yo, dude, I need something to help me concentrate. I have to take a really big test and then I can forget it all. I have to take the bar — have you heard of that? It’s for being a lawyer.
Employee: Um, well, we have this herbal product to increase the blood flow to your brain.
Spazzed customer: Can I smoke pot with it?
Employee: Uh, sure.
Spazzed customer: Great. You take credit cards?
Employee: Yeah.
Spazzed customer: Great, thanks [leaves the store without buying anything].

–GNC, Astoria

Survival Skills Are for Pussies

Suit #1: Life preservers are for pussies.
Suit #2: Yeah, I can make a flotation device out of my jeans.
Suit #1: Oh, yeah? Were you in the Navy?
Suit #2: No, I just took a water safety class. But that’s why the guys in the Navy wear bell-bottoms — so they can take their pants off without taking off their boots, so their feet won’t freeze.
Suit #3: Can you use any jeans for this?
Suit #2: Fire-resistant ones are best.

–Elevator, 61 Broadway

Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster