Balding Rangers fan #1: The only piece of furniture left in the house was a stuffed penguin.
Balding Rangers fan #2: A stuffed penguin is not a piece of furniture.
–Metro-North, New Haven Line
Overheard by: M Tod
Archive for 2007
I Just Bust Out Some Sit-ups Afterwards
Babe #1: Ew, did you know that a teaspoon of sperm contains five calories?
Babe #2: Have you ever swallowed?
Babe #1: Yes.
Babe #2: Ew. That is fucking nasty.
Babe #1: Have you?
Babe #2: Yeah.
–Astoria Blvd
Two Great Tastes That Taste Great Together
Boyfriend returning from bathroom: That corn from the enchiladas last night came right out — like corn ass soup.
Girlfriend, eating a pretzel: Goddammit, baby, I’m eating. I don’t want to hear about you cumming up my nose, or corn ass soup.
–Central Park
I Don’t Think You Know Much about the Straight Male Electorate
Lady suit: No way! I am not wearing that!
Queer friend: Darling, you will look fabulous in this dress! Just try it on.
Lady suit: Oh my god, I have never worn something like that before!
Queer friend: Honey, just trust me! Think of me as your Karl Rove, but not as old, and way better looking.
–6th Ave
I Just Got a Pair of Sunglasses for Free!
Chick on cell: I just got a pair of sunglasses for two dollars!
Old punk rocker passerby: I’ll give you two dollars to go kill yourself.
–St. Mark’s Pl & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: Lisa
Stop Enhancing My Childhood!
Mother: … And then we can go to Barnes and Noble’s and share some books.
Kid: Nooo!
Mother: Books are fun–
Kid, weeping: –No, they’re not!
–E 82nd & 2nd
Overheard by: emily
Harold and Kumar Go to Duane Reade
Woman knocking over hubby’s folding table: That’s the second time you disrespected me today! I am your wife! You won’t even buy me a tampon — I’m bleeding on a napkin. You only spend your money on hookers.
Friend nearby: I knew that was gonna happen!
–Times Square
With Our Nice Breasts
Creepy man, about tourist’s rack: Are those real?
Tourist girl to friend: Whoa, I guess we should have left our nice purses at home…
–Broadway
Hard to Do When the “Evidence” Is Dripping Down Your Leg.
Teen girl: So, what did we learn today, little one?
Kid brother: When in doubt, deny, deny, deny!
–Union Square
Overheard by: Pilar Annabelle Santiago
I’m Much Better Now, Though
Dirty Casanova: Yeah, but I always have fun over at First Ave. The other day I saw this crackhead running around naked in front of the club.
Cute girl: He must’ve been freezing.
Dirty Casanova: Yeah, I know what that’s like… Not running naked in the cold, but being addicted to crack.
–G train, Metropolitan stop
Overheard by: Jason Hamlin