Archive for 2007

Good Thing I Hired That Stenographer

Chick #1: So, then you sat on the floor and started kicking. You stopped and said we should smoke when we got back to our room, to piss her off.
Chick #2: Did we?
Chick #1: We didn’t have any cigarettes left.
Chick #2: But you have a pipe!
Chick #1: Where was I going to get pot at two in the morning?
Chick #2: You could’ve called someone. Damn, I wish I could remember last night.

–Fordham, Lincoln Center

Um, It’s a Mistake to Have Sex with Dead Clothes?

Smug fashionista: My god, that’s a fashion faux pas if I ever saw one.
Confused companion: Oh, did she kill fashion again?
Smug fashionista: Not only did she kill fashion again, but she raped it after killing it! She’s like… like… the necrophiliac of haute couture or something…. Wait. What the fuck am I talking about?!

–Madison Ave

Overheard by: Minnie Sukthankar-Romanovich

She Had a Featured Solo in Backside Story

Man, during intermission of Chicago: Did you see the chorus girl with the long auburn hair?
Woman: Yeah?
Man: I’m pretty sure I’ve seen her in porn on the internet.
Woman, annoyed: Well, when we get home maybe you can find out for sure.
Man: I’m not saying she can’t sing!

–Ambassador Theatre, W 49th

Overheard by: Big Larry

You’ll Be Sorry — This Is a Limited-Time Muffin!

Tourist: What kind of berry is a triberry?
Barista: What?
Tourist: You’re selling a triberry muffin. Well, what’s a triberry? I’ve never heard of that before.
Barista: It has blueberry, strawberry, and raspberry in it. They call it triberry because it has three kinds of berries in it.
Tourist: So there aren’t any triberries in it?
Barista: No.
Tourist: Then why do you call it a triberry muffin? That’s false advertising.
Barista: As I explained, it’s called that because it has three berries in it.
Tourist: But none of those berries are triberries?
Barista: No. There is no such thing as a triberry.
Tourist: I don’t understand.
Barista: Look, do you want the muffin or not?
Tourist: I don’t think so. I don’t want to eat anything unless I know what it is first.
Barista: So what can I get you?
Tourist: Do you have a donut?
Barista: No.
Tourist: Never mind. [leaves]Barista: Dumbass.

–Starbucks

Overheard by: Waplow