Archive for 2007

Good Thing I Hired That Stenog­ra­ph­er

Chick #1: So, then you sat on the floor and start­ed kick­ing. You stopped and said we should smoke when we got back to our room, to piss her off.
Chick #2: Did we?
Chick #1: We did­n’t have any cig­a­rettes left.
Chick #2: But you have a pipe!
Chick #1: Where was I go­ing to get pot at two in the morn­ing?
Chick #2: You could’ve called some­one. Damn, I wish I could re­mem­ber last night.

–Ford­ham, Lin­coln Cen­ter

Um, It’s a Mis­take to Have Sex with Dead Clothes?

Smug fash­ion­ista: My god, that’s a fash­ion faux pas if I ever saw one.
Con­fused com­pan­ion: Oh, did she kill fash­ion again?
Smug fash­ion­ista: Not on­ly did she kill fash­ion again, but she raped it af­ter killing it! She’s like… like… the necrophil­i­ac of haute cou­ture or some­thing.… Wait. What the fuck am I talk­ing about?!

–Madi­son Ave

Over­heard by: Min­nie Suk­thankar-Ro­manovich

She Had a Fea­tured So­lo in Back­side Sto­ry

Man, dur­ing in­ter­mis­sion of Chica­go: Did you see the cho­rus girl with the long auburn hair?
Woman: Yeah?
Man: I’m pret­ty sure I’ve seen her in porn on the in­ter­net.
Woman, an­noyed: Well, when we get home maybe you can find out for sure.
Man: I’m not say­ing she can’t sing!

–Am­bas­sador The­atre, W 49th

Over­heard by: Big Lar­ry

You’ll Be Sor­ry — This Is a Lim­it­ed-Time Muf­fin!

Tourist: What kind of berry is a triber­ry?
Barista: What?
Tourist: You’re sell­ing a triber­ry muf­fin. Well, what’s a triber­ry? I’ve nev­er heard of that be­fore.
Barista: It has blue­ber­ry, straw­ber­ry, and rasp­ber­ry in it. They call it triber­ry be­cause it has three kinds of berries in it.
Tourist: So there aren’t any triber­ries in it?
Barista: No.
Tourist: Then why do you call it a triber­ry muf­fin? That’s false ad­ver­tis­ing.
Barista: As I ex­plained, it’s called that be­cause it has three berries in it.
Tourist: But none of those berries are triber­ries?
Barista: No. There is no such thing as a triber­ry.
Tourist: I don’t un­der­stand.
Barista: Look, do you want the muf­fin or not?
Tourist: I don’t think so. I don’t want to eat any­thing un­less I know what it is first.
Barista: So what can I get you?
Tourist: Do you have a donut?
Barista: No.
Tourist: Nev­er mind. [leaves]Barista: Dum­b­ass.

–Star­bucks

Over­heard by: Waplow