Archive for 2007

They’re Like Garbage­men

Black girl: So, she told me that she was in­to pussy and asked if I was, and I’m like, ‘Ew, hell no!’ That’s just gross. I don’t want to look at that. Vagi­nas are just nasty. Don’t want to put my mouth on that shit.
Friend: Why not? Guys do all the time.
Black girl: What­ev­er — that’s their job. Ha­ha, it’s what they get.

–A train

We Have a Very Wealthy Fuck­wad Clien­tele

Yup­pie cus­tomer: Can we have the tast­ing menu?
Wait­ress: You eat every­thing?
Yup­pie cus­tomer: Yeah, sure.
Wait­ress: Giz­zard?
Yup­pie cus­tomer: I’ll eat the ass­hole if you put a tasty sauce on it.
Wait­ress: We don’t serve ass­holes here.
Yup­pie cus­tomer: This is New York. How do you stay in busi­ness?

–Japan­ese restau­rant

Over­heard by: The Pro­fes­sor

We’ve De­ter­mined You Might Ac­ci­den­tal­ly Eat a Key

Chick: Ex­cuse me, how much is it to use the com­put­ers?
Clerk: Two-fifty for 15 min­utes.
Chick: So, how much is it for an hour?
Clerk: Ten dol­lars.
Chick: No, it’s not!
Clerk: … Yes, it is.
Chick: No way! It’s not! Stop ly­ing!
Clerk: You know what? You can’t use the com­put­ers. Get out.

–Com­put­er cafe, 7th Ave, Park Slope

Over­heard by: Tech Mon­key

Have They Tried Deny­ing Him Four Times?

Woman #1: The kids I babysit are… I wan­na say ‘sa­tan­ic.‘
Woman #2: Wow.
Woman #1: I know it sounds strong, but every time I’m over there they’re like, ‘Let’s think of dif­fer­ent ways to kill Je­sus.’

–Ford­ham Uni­ver­si­ty

Over­heard by: Char­lie