Dude #1: The Japanese can’t be that racist!
Dude #2: All I’m saying is, drop another couple of nukes on them and they’re still going to hate the blacks.
–Eastchester & Morris Park, Bronx
Archive for 2007
Goliath: Bitch, Please! I Had Food Poisoning!
Man: Do you know who I am?
Kid: What?
Man: Do you know who I am!
Kid: Uh…
Man: I’m King David! Do you know why I got this medal?
Kid: [Silent.]Man: For slaying Goliath!
–7 train
Overheard by: Matt
We’re Supposed to Refer to That As “Surgery”
Nurse #1: The guy in room 14 is so annoying.
Nurse #2: No wonder somebody stabbed him in the fucking face.
–1st Ave
Who’s Determined Never to Go Back to Jail
Donation guy: You love animals, don’t you? [Shoves binder in woman’s face.]Tough guy, to girlfriend: I’ll knock him out if he comes at me like that.
Donation guy: You love animals, don’t you? [Shoves binder in tough guy’s face.]Tough guy: No, thank you, sir.
Girlfriend: You didn’t knock him out.
Tough guy: Yeah, I’m a pussy.
–14th & 5th, Park Slope
Overheard by: I Would Have Punched Him
Wait, Isn’t That Passing?
College girl: How many Asians are in there?
Bouncer: I don’t know.
College girl: Like, what’s the percentage?
Bouncer: Seventy? [Girls walk away.]
–Bowery & Prince
The Bouncer Made Them Wait Two Hours
Bimbette tourist: Oh my god! What’s that? It looks like a cool, underground club or secret hideout.
Friend: Um, that’s the entrance to the subway.
–57th & 7th
Overheard by: office peon adopted a dog!
So Much for Pooling Our Resources
Student #1: Do you have a light?
Student #2: No. Do you have a cigarette?
Student #1: No.
–Pratt Institute, Brooklyn
NewsFlash: Preppy Girl Crushed to Death in Subway
Preppy girl to friend: I vote to ban fat people from trains. [Woman nearby throws angry look.] Just at rush hour! [Woman mutters under her breath.] Local-only chub train?
–Crowded 3 train
I Was My Own Finest Creation
Black girl: Yo, white boy! Yo, white boy! [White guy ignores her, so she follows him.] White boy! Yo, white boy!
White guy: What?! How would you like it if I yelled, ‘Hey, black girl! Hey, black girl!’?
Black girl: No! It’s okay! I’m white — I went to Pratt.
–Bed-Stuy
I Always Figured on Running a Barely Lethal Voltage through the Pleasure Center of My Brain
Park bench guy #1: If you could control it, what’s your ideal death?
Park bench guy #2: Something public, definitely. I’d rig a guillotine or something and when the chopper falls my head’ll roll in front of this kid and he’ll just stare at my lifeless eyes.
Park bench guy #1: That’s some sick shit. I’d want something that I wouldn’t dread. Like, I’d just drop dead, you know? Painless would be nice, too. Think carbon monoxide is painless?
Park bench guy #2: I always figured it was like getting choked except, like, all over your body.
Passerby: It’s painless! It has to be!
–Bowling Green
Overheard by: Matt
