Dad: … And how do you know when we’re in the Village, sweetie?
Tween girl: Hipsters?
Dad: Uh, no, I was talking about that sign [points to ‘Welcome to Greenwich’ sign].
Tween girl: Oh.
–Bleecker & MacDougal
Archive for 2007
Isn’t That the Going Rate for Disrespectful Persistence?
Crazy hobo: Yo, can I have five dollars?
Girl: Excuse me? Who the fuck do you think you are?
Crazy hobo: Bitch, I’ll fuck you up! Give me five dollars!
Girl: I’ll give you five dollars when you start respecting me!
Crazy hobo: Give me a dollar?
–7th & Grove
Britney Has a Talk with Her Publicist
Girl #1: That is such a cute shirt.
Girl #2: Thanks, but it’s actually a dress.
Girl #1: Is it?
Girl #2: Well, I hope so, because I’m not wearing any pants.
–NYU
I Have Got to Find a Better Way to Meet Men
Old Asian suit viciously kicks another suit.
Victim suit: Whoa, whoa — what’re you doing?
Old Asian suit: Kicking you!
Victim suit: Why?
Old Asian suit: Because you’re trying to stick your dick in my ass! Back up!
–6 train, Grand Central
Overheard by: Christine
But the Venus de Milo’s Pretty Hot, If You’re into Amputees
Guy #1: I try to stay away from Italian women.
Guy #2: Why?
Guy #1: Because they are hairy.
–Broadway & 50th
Overheard by: Keithrez
Well, No, Obviously Not That
Guy: You know Puerto Rico is a commonwealth, right?
Puerto Rican girl: Yeah, so?
Guy: Well, you called it a country.
Puerto Rican girl: I’ve just got pride like that.
Guy: What, pride about being American?
–F train
Overheard by: Alison
But Feel Free to Elaborate on That
Doctor: Order an MRI, CT scan, and a full blood work-up.
Session assistant: Okay… What’s the primary diagnosis?
Doctor: I don’t know, cancer?
–Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center
But at Least There Are No More Sacrifices after That
Drunk girl #1: Being pregnant must suck.
Drunk girl #2: Why do you say that?
Drunk girl #1: Imagine not being able to drink for nine whole months.
–84th & Columbus
No, Ask for More! It’s Free Range!
Enormous black woman clutching frantic feral cat: Who’ll gimme a dollar fo’ this kitten? I know one of ya’lls got a dollar fo’ this kitten. You?! You?!
Confused passerby: Didn’t you get that from the vacant lot behind you?
Enormous black woman clutching frantic feral cat: Shut up, fool! Okay… Fitty cent, then!
–West 153rd St
Overheard by: goofopet
No, Two More Hostages
Male passenger: Man, come on, move the bus! There’s a fucking war in Iraq, and I have to take two more buses! There’s a war in Iraq, and I have to take two more buses!
Female passenger: What, to get there?
–Q76 bus
Overheard by: Samn
