Laugh Factory promoter: You like comedy?
Girl: No [walks away].
Laugh Factory promoter: Please talk to me. I hate my job.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Julissa
Archive for 2007
Masturbate to Catwoman Porn?
Middle-aged female employee: What are you going to do while I’m gone?
Young male employee: I dunno — whatever Batman does when Alfred’s not around.
–Wendy’s, 33rd & 8th
Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster
Can’t She Just Obsessively View My Facebook Profile Like a Normal Ex?
Guy #1: Man, I don’t know what to do! I can’t get rid of my crazy ex! We’ve been broken up for almost a year now and I told her, ‘I don’t want to see you or speak to you any more,’ and she said, ‘I’m going to make your life miserable.’ Then she had the audacity to send my current girlfriend a message on Facebook saying, ‘We need to talk’ and asked my current girlfriend to call her. Then, a few weeks later, she shows up at my office. And just this week she send me a text saying, ‘I know we’re not speaking, but do you want to come out to dinner with me and meet my mom?’ What do I do?!
Guy #2: Oh my god, restraining order?!
Guy #1: And the sad part is that she has a dating column!
Guy #2: You mean she is giving other people dating advice?
Guy #1: Yup.
–Union Square
If You Must Sleep with Your Boyfriend, We Recommend Macy’s
Preppy girl #1: Are these boyfriend panties, or are these cheating-on-your-boyfriend panties?
Preppy girl #2: I think they’re a little slutty.
Preppy girl #1: So, for cheating?
Preppy girl #2: Yeah.
Preppy girl #1: Do you think this is all they have, or is there another drawer?
–Victoria’s Secret
I’m a Recovering Anthropologist
Dude: Look, I don’t get it! Why doesn’t she take my opinion seriously?!
Chick: Because she’s a graphic designer and you’re an anthropologist.
Dude: I am not an anthropologist! God!
–Williamsburg, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Abram
The American Pie Writers Aren’t Even Trying Anymore
Guy #1: Yo, that chick over there has huge tits. You think she’s hot?
Guy #2: Shit, man, definitely.
Guy #1: Man, we should totally be roommates next year.
Guy #2: God, you’re right. [Sip their beers and walk away from each other.]
–Bar, LES
Sperm Had to Work a Lot Harder Back Then
College girl #1: I don’t understand you! How can you watch that movie for five hours! They barely even kiss!
College girl #2: You want them to throw down and have sex? It was 1811! There was no sex!
–Kissena Blvd, Queens
Overheard by: Mrs. Darcy
Still the Sweetest One I’ve Ever Heard in New York
Man: You got the prettiest laugh I’ve ever heard!
Pretty girl: Aw…
Man: If you pee on me, I’ll let you laugh a lot more!
Pretty girl: Oh. I was going to say that was the sweetest catcall I’ve ever heard, but then…
–Mulberry & Spring
Overheard by: has that ever worked for you?
Like a Tarantula Clinging to a Strawberry
Seventh grader #1: When you get a Brazilian wax they wax in your butt, too!
Seventh grader #2: I don’t think I have hair in my butt.
Seventh grader #3: Actually, one time in sixth grade you bent over and I saw it.
–Locker room, Asphalt Green, 90th & York
Nine Out of Ten Gay Stalkers Agree!
Female student: How do you feel about always being a supporting role and never getting to be the leading man?
Matt Dillon: [Silent.]Male student: You’re my leading man!
–School of Visual Arts
Overheard by: terd fergeson