Biotech: Like, the only reason I like living in Brooklyn is because everyone’s a mess, so it makes me so feel normal, you know?
Friend: Yeah.
–E 77th, between 2nd & 3rd
Archive for 2007
For Them, Offspring Are Like Bridesmaids
Girl: I always get suspicious when I see hot, thin moms with fat little daughters, because you know they’re making them fat so that they don’t turn out hotter than them.
Guy: What?
Girl: I’m serious, I’ve seen it happen! You know that’s what Christine’s mom did to her.
–E train
Overheard by: Dness
In Fairness, He Was Also on Fire
Teen girl #1: So then what happened?
Teen girl #2: So he’s bleeding all over the place, and his friends, his genius friends, say to him, ‘Just piss on yourself!’
–6th Ave, between 43rd & 44th St
Overheard by: Sam
How Else Would You Describe Creating Another Jersey Resident?
Toothless lady to fat friend: I gotta go to Jersey ’cause my sister shitted out another kid.
Fat friend: Damn.
–Union & Metropolitan, Williamsburg, Brooklyn
If We Don’t Hone Our Repartee We’ll Never Get on Springer
Teen boy: Your wife’s a bitch, you know that?
Man: My wife is your mother!
Teen boy: Well, I’m just saying.
–Broadway
It’s the American Geopolitical Attention Span
Dude: So you’re upset?
Chick: No, not any more. He just said something about Azerbaijan and I got sort of temporarily angry.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Abram
Hmmm, It Just Says, “Run Away Screaming”
Woman with headphones: ‘Scuuuse me!
Bimbette: What?! I said, ‘Excuse me.‘
Woman with headphones: Well, I have on headphones and shades, so obviously I didn’t see or hear you. Ever thought about tapping me on the shoulder, asshole?
Bimbette, opening book called, How to Become Fearless: Well, whatever. I’m already sitting down.
Woman with headphones: That book must being doing something good for your ego. Hope it has a chapter in there on what to do after you get smacked on the train for being fearless…
–A train
Then May I Suggest the Grilled Water?
Woman: Does the breakfast burrito come with fries?
Waitress: Yes.
Woman: Uh-uh. I can’t be having a tortilla and potatoes — I’m working on my pretty.
–Blue Moon, 17th & 8th
Overheard by: Matthew K Johnson
And by ‘Interesting’ I Mean ‘I Want to Sleep With You’
Self-satisfied girl: I’m not sure how I feel about democracy. I mean, I enjoy the benefits, but it’s like they say, ‘Democracy is the worst form of government except for all the other ones.‘
Dude: That’s great! Who said that?
Self-satisfied girl: That guy de Tocqueville. You know, that little prince guy that came over here for a while. He taught us so much about ourselves.
Dude: That is so interesting.
–Court & Dean
Overheard by: lish
I Use a Gun Now
Man: Come on, baby, come back to my place!
Woman: Nah, the last time I went over to your place you stabbed me!
Man: Baby, that was four years ago!
–F train, Roosevelt Island
Overheard by: Milo
