Archive for 2007

As with Organized Religions, All Are Equally Unpalatable

Passionate man: You have to be able to voice your own opinion! Stand up for yourself! You’re the CFO of a four billion dollar company — you have to be able to make these kinds of decisions!
Lady with him, totally baffled: I was just so overwhelmed — I’ve never seen so many different kinds of rice pudding…!

–Outside Rice to Riches, Spring St

Overheard by: leah

Translation: I Tire of This Topic

Guido #1: I’m telekinetic. So are you. We all are!
Guido #2: What are you talking about?
Guido #1: Think about it! Look, I’m lifting my arm. What’s moving my arm?
Guido #2: Kinetic impulses to your muscles… Your brain.
Guido #1: Ah, but what’s telling my brain to lift my arm?
Guido #2: Your mother.

–7 train

Overheard by: Hipster #3

I Show Them

Chick #1 on cell: I mean, have you ever shaved your pussy and then a couple of nights later you can’t sleep because it itches so bad?
Chick #2: Um, hello, we can all hear you.
Chick #1 to #2: Well, has it ever happened to you?
Chick #2: Well, yeah, but I don’t tell the whole subway.

–F train

Overheard by: You have now

Actually, I’m Not. I’m Tired of Pretending

Girl #1: … So then she told me that I should get her socks. Do you really think that Jane* would want socks for Christmas?!
Girl #2: Socks are like the gift that people give when they hate you. Socks and soap!
Girl #3: Um, yeah… [Girls #1 and #3 look at each other.]Girl #2: Oh, shit! I gave you socks for your birthday… Sorry about that.

–50th & Lex