Five-year-old: I want a sticker.
Woman: No, I don’t have any stickers. I have business cards. Here. You can have one [hands him one].
–Park Slope
Overheard by: leah
Archive for 2007
Not to Mention They Were Both US Congressmen
Bimbette #1: I was nervous for the two of them to meet.
Bimbette #2: Your dad’s kind of hard…
Bimbette #1: But they got along well! They have a lot in common.
Bimbette #2: Yeah.
Bimbette #1: I mean, they both have children, and they’ve both been in prison.
Bimbette #2: See that?!
–155th & Broadway
You’re Just Upset because You Had to Pull Out
Angry man pulling out of stadium lot: You’ve got to be nice to people…!
Parking attendant: I am nice. Don’t start this. This is not your lot, this is my lot. I was born in this lot.
–Yankee Stadium parking lot
Overheard by: Lucia
Bras Sink into a Zone from Which No Light Escapes
Woman #1: So get this — my friend can wear any color bra she wants with any color shirt and no matter what she wears, you can never see her bra through her shirt.
Woman #2: Wow, how does she do that?
Woman #1: I’m pretty sure it’s because she’s flat chested.
–Elevator, Midtown office building
As with Organized Religions, All Are Equally Unpalatable
Passionate man: You have to be able to voice your own opinion! Stand up for yourself! You’re the CFO of a four billion dollar company — you have to be able to make these kinds of decisions!
Lady with him, totally baffled: I was just so overwhelmed — I’ve never seen so many different kinds of rice pudding…!
–Outside Rice to Riches, Spring St
Overheard by: leah
If You Cannot Afford an Asshole, One Will Be Assigned to You
Lawyer at deposition: What is your native language?
West Indian woman, offended: English!
Lawyer: Lady, you must speak some other language, because I’ve been questioning you for an hour and I haven’t understood a goddamn word you said.
–Supreme Court, 360 Adams St, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Big Larry
Translation: I Tire of This Topic
Guido #1: I’m telekinetic. So are you. We all are!
Guido #2: What are you talking about?
Guido #1: Think about it! Look, I’m lifting my arm. What’s moving my arm?
Guido #2: Kinetic impulses to your muscles… Your brain.
Guido #1: Ah, but what’s telling my brain to lift my arm?
Guido #2: Your mother.
–7 train
Overheard by: Hipster #3
Some Viruses Do Less Damage Than Others
Chick: You have to be really careful nowadays downloading things online.
Dude: Amber, I have been downloading porn since I was 11. I think I know what I’m doing…
–F train
I Show Them
Chick #1 on cell: I mean, have you ever shaved your pussy and then a couple of nights later you can’t sleep because it itches so bad?
Chick #2: Um, hello, we can all hear you.
Chick #1 to #2: Well, has it ever happened to you?
Chick #2: Well, yeah, but I don’t tell the whole subway.
–F train
Overheard by: You have now
Actually, I’m Not. I’m Tired of Pretending
Girl #1: … So then she told me that I should get her socks. Do you really think that Jane* would want socks for Christmas?!
Girl #2: Socks are like the gift that people give when they hate you. Socks and soap!
Girl #3: Um, yeah… [Girls #1 and #3 look at each other.]Girl #2: Oh, shit! I gave you socks for your birthday… Sorry about that.
–50th & Lex
