Archive for 2007

Oh, Kristin Chenoweth, You’re Plenty Intimidating!

Guy: You really should move. It’s not safe there.
Girl: Yeah, the woman next to me got robbed recently.
Guy: If I ever walked into my house and saw a nigger standing in my living room, I’d fucking unload a full clip into him. He’d start making excuses, but I wouldn’t fucking care. Then I’d pick up the phone and call the police and tell them I killed him. And he’d say, ‘Nooo!’ and I’d say, ‘Yep, got a dead body on my property,’ and then I’d blow his nuts off.
Girl: Oh… Well, I don’t usually carry a gun around with me.
Guy: I always carry a gun with me. I would run out with my shirt off and my gun in my hand and scare that fucker.
Girl: Well, I don’t think I’d be that intimidating.

–Crema Restaurante, 17th & 6th

Overheard by: Aubrey

I Know, Right?

20-something to friend: … And she said, ‘Twenty dollars? She offered me 20 dollars for bills after staying with me for a whole month? I’d wipe my ass with that 20-dollar bill!’
Hobo: One 20-dollar bill ain’t enough for that huge ass!

–23rd & 5th

Hey, What Are Friends For?

Girl: Men are dicks.
Friend: It’s alright. You’ll get a new guy soon — you’re cute!
Girl: I know. I’m just sad.
Friend: Well, the sun will come out tomorrow. Have you ever heard of it being cloudy forever? No, because that’s impossible… Except for after a nuclear holocaust, in which case you should just kill yourself.

–4th & Mercer