Crazy guy gasps: Help! [No one moves.] I said, ‘Help‘!
Chick on cell: He said, ‘Help.’
–Staten Island Ferry
Overheard by: Nicole
Archive for 2007
And, by the Way, You Have No Idea How Loud I Can Be
Chick #1: So, what are we doing tonight?
Chick #2: I don’t know… Wanna go down on me?
Chick #1: Jesus Christ, Chelsea, can you be a little louder?
Chick #2: So, is that a ‘No’?
–Central Park
Overheard by: emily
Just Lips and Hooves, Honey
10-year-old girl: Mom! My hotdog has chunks of fat in it!
Mom: What are you talking about? There ain’t no fat in a hotdog!
–Avenue of the Americas
Overheard by: clancy
It’s Important to Have Witnesses
Dude #1: Yo, I really gotta stop whackin’ off.
Dude #2: Nah, chill. I do it all the time, man.
Dude #1: Like, at home?
Dude #2: Nah, in the school bathroom.
–Union Square
Now’s Probably Good
Prep #1: They made a list of the most important people ever, and you know who they named number one? Johannes Gutenberg!
Prep #2: Who’s that, again?
Prep #1: The printing press guy! I mean, I know he’s important, but he’s not that big of a deal.
Prep #2: Don’t they not even know when he was born?
Prep #1: Well, no. I mean, they know within a year or two.
Prep #2: If they can’t even figure out when exactly you were born, you can’t be that important.
Prep #1: Yeah, and you know who was number two? Isaac Newton! What did he really do other than give something for my math teacher to talk about? My math teacher sweated Newton hardcore. It was all ‘Newton, Newton, Newton.’
Prep #2: You would think that if they were going to rank the most important people of all time, they would research it a little better and include the really important people.
Prep #1: And if it’s of all time, wouldn’t it make more sense for them to wait until right before the end of time?
–Metro North train entering Grand Central
Overheard by: Courtney Messer
Regardless, It’s a Great Country Western Song
Woman #1: Wait… So what happened to her?
Woman #2: Well, first she got pregnant, then she got divorced, and then she died.
Woman #1: Oh… Really?
Woman #2: I think…
–Union Square
And Our Black Market Yield Will More Than Make Up for That
Scene girl: I don’t understand why your mother doesn’t like me…
Scene boyfriend: You stole my grandmother’s medication.
Scene girl: She’ll be dead in a week. Chill out.
–Central Park
Meet Refried Jean
Girl #1: I looove Mexican food.
Girl #2: Me, too… just not people ordering it while they’re having sex with me.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Ladle
Besides, We Have No Guarantee Her Super Powers Will Be Used Only for Good
JAP #1: Besides, you can’t fit a pancake in a hole that size.
JAP #2: Well, what if Hillary runs for President?
JAP #1: Yeah, like a Nazi Feminista president can bend the laws of physics.
–53rd & Park Ave
Overheard by: Matt Chancellor
It Was Laundry
Large, dreadlocked homeless guy to man with over-stuffed backpack: Yo, what you got in that big-ass bag?
Backpack guy: Nothing good.
Large, dreadlocked homeless guy: Got any marijuana? [As backpack guy nears] Damn, whiteboy! You kinda big… I ain’t gonna fuck with you!
–Near subway entrance, NW Union Square
Overheard by: matt