Archive for 2007

Just Be­cause I Shit My­self Dur­ing Group

Crunchy-haired woman: She used to make peanut but­ter and jel­ly with cheese… PB and J with Amer­i­can cheese.
Tat­too guy: Ew, that is so messed up.
Crunchy-haired woman: Yeah, but any­ways, I re­al­ly got in­to it with this la­dy at my sup­port group to­day. She said some­thin’ I did­n’t like.
Tat­too guy: What hap­pened this time?
Crunchy-haired woman: It was about the cher­ry is­sue… She was get­tin’ on my case be­cause I ate some fuckin’ cher­ries. I’m like, ‘What the fuck? What’s the big deal? I have a thing for cher­ries and so what that I can’t have just one, I have to have a whole bag?’ Fuck, I ate a fuck­ing bag of cher­ries, big deal. So she was get­ting on me, say­ing I was one of those peo­ple who does­n’t try to get bet­ter…

–Brook­lyn

… Ex­act­ly Who He Is

Bim­bette #1: So then I got a text from him this morn­ing [shows friend text mes­sage]. I mean, who for­gets if they have sex?
Bim­bette #2: Ha­ha… There’s not even a ‘hel­lo’ or punc­tu­a­tion… Just ‘Did we have sex.‘
Bim­bette #1: I know!
Bim­bette #2: Well, did you?
Bim­bette #1: I’m not sure…

–Cen­tral Park

Con­grat­u­la­tions! You’ve Just Be­come Ob­so­lete.

Chick: Are you com­ing right home af­ter work? I need sex so bad­ly.
Guy: Yeah, I can tell… Why don’t you use your Valen­tine’s Day gift?
Chick: The Rab­bit? It’s not the same.
Guy: Why is­n’t it the same?
Chick: Well, it does­n’t talk.
Guy: Wait — so if it talked, you would­n’t need me at all? Is that what you’re say­ing?
Chick: Um… No?

–Carnegie John’s, 56th & 7th

Over­heard by: cheech