Archive for 2007

Turn Left on­to Kit­tens-and-Daisies Av­enue In­stead

Pre­teen girl on bike #1: Do you know which way we’re go­ing?
Pre­teen girl on bike #2: This is 30th Av­enue… Let’s go this way [points to­ward 43rd Street].
Pre­teen girl on bike #1: No! Don’t go down that street! That’s the sex­u­al preda­tor block!

–43rd St & New­town Rd, As­to­ria

Over­heard by: what do they know that i don’t?

What Hap­pens When Schools Block Com­put­er Porn

Guy #1: Dude, that man squir­rel is about to rape that woman squir­rel.
Guy #2: Do squir­rels have wieners?
Guy #1: I don’t know… I want to see if he sticks it in her!
Guy #2: Oh my god! They’re 69-ing each oth­er! This is awe­some!
Guy #1: Holy shit! He just stuck his head up her squir­rel-gi­na!
Guy #2: [Cap­ti­vat­ed si­lence.]

–Cen­tral Park

Over­heard by: Ar­man­do

Is That May­on­naise in Your Cof­fee?

Mid­dle-aged white la­dy: What are you try­ing to do? You are so rude! I can’t be­lieve you! I am go­ing to get you fired!
Clerk: [Silence.]Middle-aged white la­dy, to en­tire line: Can you be­lieve these peo­ple? They are so rude! I can’t be­lieve they are try­ing to short me my cof­fee! It’s un­be­liev­able!
Young black man: Stop be­ing so white.

–Dunkin’ Donuts, At­lantic & 4th, Brook­lyn