Mind If It’s Over Your Lifeless Body?

Confused tourist driver, after traffic cop blocks left turn: But I don’t know this way. Where am I supposed to turn?
Traffic cop: What the hell do I care? You figure it out!

–Church & Duane

Overheard by: Rich Mintz

… Pour It on Ourselves, and Then Light It!

Mother: God, it’s cold.
Little boy #1: Let’s get alcohol!
Little boy #2: A whole bottle!

–80^th & Broadway

Gilbert Godfried Was an Exceedingly Annoying Child

Kid: What’s that?! What’s that?!
Mom, reading magazine: It’s a picture of an airport.
Kid: What happened?!
Mom: Someone was arrested.
Kid: For what?!
Mom: For yelling.
Kid, seriously: At her kids?

–F train

Pretty Much How Everyone Feels about Yoko

Six-year-old: She didn’t like Ringo!
Mom: Well, who was her favorite Beatle?
Six-year-old: She doesn’t even like the Beatles!
Mom: Don’t talk to her.

–Park Slope

Overheard by: a

It’s Unclear If I Can Say the Same for This Food

Spanish chick #1: It’s good to take a shit a few hours before sex.
Spanish chick #2: My anus is feces-free. Dig in!

–Taco Bell, 60^th & Northern Blvd

Overheard by: Mariela

Still Think Video Games Are to Blame?

Little boy: Daddy, Daddy! Look at the cars! Shoot the cars!
Dad, making finger-gun: Bang, bang, bang, bang!

–12^th & 4^th

Overheard by: NYU girl

… Doesn’t Mean I Can Decorate the Living Room!

Middle school boy screaming to his father: Just because I like sausages–
Mom, interrupting: –Shhh…

–Brooklyn

And Remember Us for All Your Asphyxiation Needs

Customer: I need cigarettes.
Cashier, pleasantly: How would you like to kill yourself?
Customer, expressionless: Newports.
Cashier: Here you go.

–CVS, 25^th & 6^th

And the Nightmare

Turkish man: Miss, you are so lovely. Can I buy you a drink?
Girl: Uh, sure.
Turkish man: You are so beautiful, I would suck on your father’s dick just to taste where you came from.
Girl: Uh… Thanks for the drink [leaves].

–Crash Mansion, 199 Bowery

Overheard by: The Riddler

Really More of a Coat Hanger

Fashion suit: Please, help yourself to some breakfast.
Fashion editor-type: No, thanks, I’m not really a food-person.

–Fashion event, Midtown