Archive for 2007

… You Deluded Fatbag

Customer: I’d like to return this shirt. It fits me just right, but the tag says ‘Large,’ and I don’t wear a size Large.
Returns person: Okay, no problem.

–H&M, 34th & 7th

Overheard by: Andrea Reese

I Heard about Those During One of My Free Hours in the Exercise Yard

College guy: So, what’s the thing you like least about working here?
Brainwashed programmer: Geez, that’s a hard one. I like just about everything here!
College guy: I see… Have you ever seen the movie Office Space?
Brainwashed programmer: No, I’ve never heard of it. Is that one of those YouTube things?

–Goldman Sachs recruitment lunch, Financial District

Some Odysseys Are Odder Than Others

Young English teacher: Yeah, so it takes me about 10 minutes to walk from my apartment to the subway, and on the way there’s this homeless guy on the corner who is always getting really angry at some invisible person. Then he disappeared for, like, two weeks, and I’m like, ‘Oh, he must’ve died — that’s so sad,’ but then he came back and I was like, ‘Okay, cool.‘
Student: What does this have to do with The Odyssey?
Young English teacher: You guys really need to focus.

–Stuyvesant High

Good to See the Shame’s Gone Out of That

Asian hipster girl: The first time I met you I totally thought you were gay!
Asian hipster guy: That’s okay. Everyone does — even my family.
Random hipster guy: Really? Me, too! [Hipster guys hi-five each other.] 

–Bedford & N 6th

Overheard by: Marc P.