Archive for 2007

… You De­lud­ed Fat­bag

Cus­tomer: I’d like to re­turn this shirt. It fits me just right, but the tag says ‘Large,’ and I don’t wear a size Large.
Re­turns per­son: Okay, no prob­lem.

–H&M, 34th & 7th

Over­heard by: An­drea Reese

I Heard about Those Dur­ing One of My Free Hours in the Ex­er­cise Yard

Col­lege guy: So, what’s the thing you like least about work­ing here?
Brain­washed pro­gram­mer: Geez, that’s a hard one. I like just about every­thing here!
Col­lege guy: I see… Have you ever seen the movie Of­fice Space?
Brain­washed pro­gram­mer: No, I’ve nev­er heard of it. Is that one of those YouTube things?

–Gold­man Sachs re­cruit­ment lunch, Fi­nan­cial Dis­trict

Some Odysseys Are Odd­er Than Oth­ers

Young Eng­lish teacher: Yeah, so it takes me about 10 min­utes to walk from my apart­ment to the sub­way, and on the way there’s this home­less guy on the cor­ner who is al­ways get­ting re­al­ly an­gry at some in­vis­i­ble per­son. Then he dis­ap­peared for, like, two weeks, and I’m like, ‘Oh, he must’ve died — that’s so sad,’ but then he came back and I was like, ‘Okay, cool.‘
Stu­dent: What does this have to do with The Odyssey?
Young Eng­lish teacher: You guys re­al­ly need to fo­cus.

–Stuyvesant High

Good to See the Shame’s Gone Out of That

Asian hip­ster girl: The first time I met you I to­tal­ly thought you were gay!
Asian hip­ster guy: That’s okay. Every­one does — even my fam­i­ly.
Ran­dom hip­ster guy: Re­al­ly? Me, too! [Hip­ster guys hi-five each oth­er.]

–Bed­ford & N 6th

Over­heard by: Marc P.