Archive for 2007

Sneer­ing Makes My Face Tired

Wannabe hip­ster girl: Hey, are you go­ing to that Ar­cade Fire-LCD Soundsys­tem show lat­er?
Hip­ster girl in gold and pur­ple-striped tights: Nah… I was go­ing to, but [sigh] there are just gonna be so many hip­sters there…

–L train sta­tion, Gra­ham Ave

Over­heard by: Not a hip­ster

The Part Where They Have Man­ners?

Lati­na chick, in Span­ish, af­ter Ko­re­an tourist trips in­to her: Lis­ten, you son of a bitch — don’t touch me, you fag­got! You get me, ass­hole?!
Friend: Ha­ha, babe, like this ass­hole un­der­stands what you’re say­ing?
Ko­re­an tourist, in Span­ish: I lived in Puer­to Ri­co for two years.
Lati­na chick, in Eng­lish: Oh, word? What part?

–A train

Over­heard by: Gra­ham Davis

And I Know a Lot about Ug­ly

Yup­pie woman #1: So, why don’t you buy their prod­ucts? Is it be­cause of the whole child la­bor thing?
Yup­pie woman #2: No, I don’t give a shit about that — I’m a Re­pub­li­can. I just think their prod­ucts are ug­ly.

–Colum­bus Cir­cle

Over­heard by: Gra­ham Davis

Ex­plain How Cher Is Hot

Ston­er: She’s so fuck­ing hot be­cause she’s Asian and she on­ly goes by one name — Se­le­na — so you know she’s hot. Like Madon­na… Or Je­sus… Or Gand­hi… Or Cher.
Friend: Gand­hi had two names, dum­b­ass.

–NYU We­in­stein Din­ing Hall

Grand­ma’s Had the Bit in Her Teeth Be­fore

Lit­tle girl look­ing at big, naked woman stat­ue: She looks like me, but big!
Grand­moth­er: Yes, yes she does.
Lit­tle girl looks at big, naked male stat­ue: What’s that? It’s big.
Grand­moth­er: Boy bits. They’re not usu­al­ly that big.

–Colum­bus Cir­cle Mall

Over­heard by: Ra­ma

Like We Do at Church

Old woman: You had an au­di­tion to­day?
Young woman: Yeah, for the Jer­ry Springer show. I sang ‘Ma­ma Smacked Me on the Ass­hole.’

–Star­bucks, 43rd & 8th