Archive for 2007

The Part Where They Have Manners?

Latina chick, in Spanish, after Korean tourist trips into her: Listen, you son of a bitch — don’t touch me, you faggot! You get me, asshole?!
Friend: Haha, babe, like this asshole understands what you’re saying?
Korean tourist, in Spanish: I lived in Puerto Rico for two years.
Latina chick, in English: Oh, word? What part?

–A train

Overheard by: Graham Davis

Explain How Cher Is Hot

Stoner: She’s so fucking hot because she’s Asian and she only goes by one name — Selena —  so you know she’s hot. Like Madonna… Or Jesus… Or Gandhi… Or Cher.
Friend: Gandhi had two names, dumbass.

–NYU Weinstein Dining Hall

Grandma’s Had the Bit in Her Teeth Before

Little girl looking at big, naked woman statue: She looks like me, but big!
Grandmother: Yes, yes she does.
Little girl looks at big, naked male statue: What’s that? It’s big.
Grandmother: Boy bits. They’re not usually that big.

–Columbus Circle Mall

Overheard by: Rama

You Only Got Me Here with Promises of a Fellational Nature

Man: So what do you think of the name I‑lizabeth?
Woman: It’s not I-lizabeth, it’s ‘Ilizabeth.‘
Man: I know. Elizabeth with an I. That’s so stupid.
Woman: What business is it of yours what they name their baby?
Man: I’m here and I’m aware of it, so I’m voicing my opinion. Spelling a name wrong is stupid. I guess they think it’s cute, but it’s gonna be a burden on that kid her whole life.
Woman: Why don’t you just shut up and keep your opinions to yourself?
Man: Well, then don’t invite me to these fucking parties where people make their stupidity public.
Woman: Just do me a favor — eat and keep your mouth shut until you leave.

–Baby-naming party, E 34th & 2nd

Overheard by: Big Larry