Queer #1: You thought he wasn’t going to fuck you, but he did!
Queer #2, squealing: Yay! [Shares high-fives with whole group.]
–34 Cooper Square
Queer #1: You thought he wasn’t going to fuck you, but he did!
Queer #2, squealing: Yay! [Shares high-fives with whole group.]
–34 Cooper Square
Girl #1: Oh my god, John! You have to join our theater company that we’re starting.
Girl #2: It’s called ‘Four Bitches and a Toke.‘
Girl #3: You’re the toke.
Queer: Wait, wait… I’m the toke? I’m a bigger bitch than all four of you.
Girl #4: But you don’t have a vagina!
Queer: Ohhh, trust me — you do not have to have a vagina to be a bitch.
–4th & Ave A
Overheard by: Todd B
Woman #1: Oh, my son, Henry, never wears jeans. He thinks they are too itchy.
Woman #2: Well, what does he wear, then?
Woman #1: We can only buy him soft pants.
Woman #2: Oh, well my daughter only wears one-piece bathing suits, but we bought her some bikinis today, and when we got home she said, ‘I’d rather bite off all my toenails than wear those.’
–Yankee Stadium
Overheard by: Chris Storey
Girl #1: It’s good I don’t go to a school with fraternities. I’d, like–
Girl #2: –Get drunk and raped?
Girl #1: Exactly!
–Sarah Lawrence College
Overheard by: trying to eat dinner in peace
Stoner: I’m telling you, they need another statue!
Friend #1: Why?
Stoner: Because when the apocalypse comes and there’s all the radiation, the Statue of Liberty is going to come to life!
Friend #2: So?
Stoner: Sooo, she’s going to need someone to get it on with!
–Morton & Hudson, West Village
Chick #1: He says he can fall in love with anybody, but he just sleeps with everybody.
Chick #2: Yeah, totally.
Chick #1: Also, he tried to date rape me, which is totally unromantic.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Jeff
Dude: I’ll kill you guys if you hack into my wedding website!
–535 8th Ave
Husband: We’ll go to the museum around four.
Wife: I don’t know…
Husband: Come on, Marge. You love everyone at the museum. Except Yasser Arafat.
–Hampton Inn
Overheard by: Leah
Tall guy: Man, get away from me. You’re cracked out.
Small guy: I ain’t smokin’ crack! I smoke dust, nigga!
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Mike
Girl: Yeah, the room in the apartment is only four hundred bucks a month.
Guy: No way! No place in the city is only four hundred a month. You probably have to shit in the bathtub.
–Bainbridge & Malcolm X, Brooklyn
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist