Old man, with wife: How much is it to Elmont Cemetery?
Car service dispatcher: Will that be one way, or round-trip?
–E 19th St & Ave U, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Arthur
Archive for 2007
Except for the Cow Part, She Should Feel Right at Home
Yankee: You’re from North Carolina? What is there to do in North Carolina, anyway?
Tourist: Oh, we tip over cows and lynch niggers.
–Havemeyer & Grand, Brooklyn
Overheard by: A Provincial New Yorker
Tell Her a Quarter Is Two Bits and Watch Her Head Explode
Girl counting her money: Excuse me, ma’am — are there four quarters in a dollar?
Older lady: Yes, my dear.
Girl: Oh, great! Thanks!
–Times Square station
He Could Easily Have Convinced Him He Was God, or the President
Gullible guy: So, are you really a porn star?
Dude in ‘Porn Star’ baseball cap: Yeah.
Gullible guy: Cool.
–The Players Theatre, MacDougal St
First I Gotta Get a Haircut and a Chest Wax
Guido #1: Can you believe that girl called me a ‘guido’?!
Guido #2: Seriously — what a whore!
Guido #1: I cannot believe the bitch called us guidos!
Guido #2: Yeah… So, when are we hitting Webster Hall?
–Spring & Lafayette
Overheard by: I shook my head
If You Really Want to Be a New Yorker, Stand Right in Front of That Big, Speeding Bus
Girl #1 after crossing street during “Don’t Walk” sign: Oooh, I’m like a New York City resident!
Girl #2: Why? Because you walked into oncoming traffic?
Girl #1: That’s what they do!
–8th & Broadway
So, What, a Connecting Flight to Maryland?
Woman #1: I was supposed to go to Detroit tonight.
Woman #2: How far is that?
Woman #3: Eight hours, right? ‘Cause it’s, like, eight hours to Miami.
Woman #1: But Detroit’s in Chicago, not Florida.
Woman #3: Oh, yeah.
–Bowery
Jingleheimer Schmidt Is Especially Kinky
Chick on cell: Oh, I have a few Johns. [To guy friend next to her, who laughs] Oh, shut up! [Into cell] No, but really, I do.
–Harlem
Overheard by: Nik
In Real Life, the Ogre Never Gets the Princess
Tiny lady suit staring at stairs, to no one in particular: I wish someone would just carry me up…
Huge, burly guy: I’ll carry you.
Tiny lady suit: Ew! Gross!
–E station, 7th Ave
Is Anything More Fun Than Shocking the Prudish?
Drunk girl #1: Have you let him cross the border?
Sober girl: W-what?
Drunk girl #2: You have, haven’t you?!
Sober girl: I don’t even know what ‘cross the border’ means…
Drunk girl #2: It means in the butt!
Drunk girl #1: C’mon, girl, let him cross it! Give that man citizenship!
–Lafayette & White
Overheard by: meanstreet