Classmate #1: Whatever happened to Hitler? Is he, like, still alive?
Classmate #2: Have you not been paying attention?
–Museum of Jewish Heritage
Archive for 2007
As Humiliating As Ordinary Sex, but Much Safer
Girl #1: Did you go to the restaurant I told you? The one with the waiter who–
Girl #2: –Fucks you with his eyes? Oh, yes.
–AMC, Times Square
I Couldn’t Work Here without Meth
Salesgirl: Hey. Wow, you look really bad!
Salesguy: Gee, thanks.
Salesgirl: It’s just that your eyes are all bloodshot. And your skin is kind of grey.
Salesguy: Oh, that.
–American Apparel, Broadway
The Difference between Atheists and Agnostics
Guy: I’ve been finding myself becoming more and more of a misanthropist.
Bimbette: I tried that once, but the chains were a bit much.
Guy: [Angry glare.]
–BBQ, 8th & University Pl
But Are You Willing to Ignore Months and Months of Reliable Intelligence?
Teen: I’m gonna run for sturgeon general one day.
Father: A sturgeon is a fish. It’s Surgeon General, and you can’t run for it, the president appoints you.
Teen: Then I’ll make him appoint me.
Father: You also have to be a doctor, and in the military… And we know you’re not smart enough to be a doctor.
Teen: [Puzzled, offended.]Father: You could run for Secretary of Defense, though, and you don’t really have to be that smart to do that.
Teen, excitedly: Cool, I like guns!
–A train
Overheard by: Sean
What’s the Bad News?
Tall blonde: Didn’t you say you were getting an ice cream cake? I’m so confused.
Short blonde: There was no time for both, so that’ll have to be another break a little later.
Tall blonde: Ah, okay. I just was worried about it sitting in Accounting, so I went to get it and they had no idea what I was talking about.
Short blonde: Oh, no, no. Plus, I couldn’t carry all three. The good news — Mylar won’t melt.
–25th & Broadway
Overheard by: prciosasoy
That’s How Easy Love Can Be
Guy: I was bored the other day, so I sang the alphabet song while counting on my fingers to make sure there really are 26 letters… There are.
Girl: Dude, you know what you get for that? [Hugs guy.]
–E train
Overheard by: Peter G
And They Hate to Be Reminded of It
Chick #1 watching Swedish guy on screen: What fucking language is that?
Chick #2: Duh… Irish. Wait… Don’t they speak, like, English?
–Movie theater, Cobble Hill
Overheard by: angel
ObGyn: Nothing Up My Sleeve…
Girl #1: Oh my god, I just thought of something so cool!
Girl #2: What?
Girl #1: Women are like magicians!
Girl #2: Why?
Girl #1: They pull bunnies out of hats, and we can pull babies out of our vaginas!
Girl #2: Wow, you’re so smart!
Girl #1: I know, right?
–Apple Store
And Feet
Hobo falls asleep on hipster girl and breathes in her face — she gags.
Hipster friend: What’s wrong?
Hipster girl: I just saw hell, and it smells like Taco Bell.
–4 train
Overheard by: I could smell it too
