Customer: What time does the live entertainment begin?
Waiter: Around 11 p.m.
Customer: Can you call and ask them to start early? It’s eight p.m., and I’m here now.
–Rafina Taverna, 78th & York
Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer
Archive for 2007
Making Up a Whole Country — I Admire That
Black man: So, where you from?
Hot chick: Portugal.
Black man: Shiiit! I’ve never heard that one before.
–Spring & Broadway
Overheard by: Maria
Or at Least Get My iPod While You’re Down There
A man jumps onto the subway tracks to retrieve an item for his female companion.
Black teen chick #1: What is that guy doing?
Black teen chick #2: Is that a black man?! It figures that’s a black man! You gotta set a better example for our people!
–Borough Hall
Boredom, Mostly
Janitor: I’m sorry, ma’am, you can’t wear boots on the equipment.
20-something woman wearing Uggs on elliptical machine: But these are orthopedic boots!
Janitor: I’m sorry, but it’s against policy to wear the boots on the machines.
20-something woman wearing Uggs: Why are you doing this to me?
–Dodge YMCA, Atlantic Ave
Prefers to Stand
Man: I love these chairs out here.
Guy at next table: I hate these chairs out here.
Man: Butt the fuck out of my conversation.
Guy at next table: Shut up, I just got back here. I got my ass blown off in Iraq.
–Max Restaurant, 4th St & Ave B
I Smoke to Look Older
Guy: Can I get some cigars?
Attendant: Yeah, are you over 18?
Guy: Yeah.
Attendant: That’s cool. I’m only 17. I’m just really high.
–Soho
Looks Like Two Raccoons Having a Fight in a Burlap Sack
Construction worker #1: It’s all saggy.
Construction worker #2: And bouncing and shit.
Construction worker #1: Get a fucking girdle!
–Mercer St & Washington Pl
Overheard by: Renee B.
Our Very Trousers Would Evaporate
Dude: Is the Banana Republic a real place?
Chick: … I think so. They wouldn’t lie, would they?
–Lincoln Center
Overheard by: Laura M.
Or Are Those Croutons?
Tourist chick #1: What is ‘soup du jour’?
Tourist chick #2: You know, soup with all those little de jours in it.
Tourist chick #1: Oh, right.
–Quasi-French place, E 52nd St
Overheard by: Diner at same restaurant
Our Boundless Self-Esteem Doesn’t Do It for You?
Teen chick #1: So, what? Are you sick of all us girls now?
Teen boy: Yeah.
Teen chick #2: Why, because you’ve hooked up with all of us?
Teen boy: Yeah.
–Park Slope, Brooklyn
