Archive for 2007

All Cars Would Be Yel­low If Not for the Matchy-Matchy Laws

Teacher: So, as you can see, this car in the pic­ture re­duces air re­sis­tance and can ac­cel­er­ate faster.
Stu­dent #1, chuck­ling: Yeah, and plus, it’s yel­low, so that makes it faster, too.
Teacher, laugh­ing: Ha­ha, yeah, very true.
Stu­dent #2: Wait, re­al­ly?

–Physics class, St. An­n’s School

Over­heard by: Mike N

If That’s the On­ly Par­ty Avail­able, I’m Go­ing

Sex­u­al­ly am­bigu­ous guy: Yeah, Natasha is hav­ing a par­ty tonight, but I did­n’t want to go be­cause she has bed­bugs, and I was afraid that I’d get bed­bugs and bring them home. Every­one who’s go­ing has to wear plas­tic bags.
Fe­male com­pan­ion: Why is she hav­ing a par­ty?
Sex­u­al­ly am­bigu­ous guy: It’s a bed­bug par­ty.

–St. Mark’s Pl

Over­heard by: min­er­fa

And No Eye­lin­er on the Chick­en

Burly guy: I drove Lucy Liu around in her trail­er for six weeks.
Co­lum­bia stu­dent: Re­al­ly? She’s cute.
Burly guy: Yeah, she’s cute. But then you see her with her make­up off and you’re like, ‘I’ll have the chick­en with broc­coli.’

–Nuss­baum & Wu, 113th & Broad­way

There Is That Whole ‘Off­set Death’ Thing

Moth­er to la­dy be­hind her: I mean, I’m not go­ing to eat one, but like, I don’t know — it’s Star­bucks! They have those cof­fees that are just, like, so fuck­ing good. I’m here to get one of those mocha chip things that are, like, to­tal­ly 600 calo­ries, but I mean, why would some­one not have one of them? They are, like, so to­tal­ly good. I mean, what — are you sup­posed to be like a fuck­ing stick [holds up pinky]? I mean, I work out for, like, three hours a day so I can have one of these. I’m a moth­er of two young kids. I look so good, right?! I cook my own cup­cakes, so, I mean, I def would nev­er eat one from Star­bucks. They just sit there all day. Ew, gross. I make my own cup­cakes with ap­ple­sauce, of course, be­cause you know, my kids should­n’t be fat be­cause of me. Right? But like, I don’t un­der­stand why peo­ple would­n’t have a mocha chip lat­te or what­ev­er the fuck they’re called. I mean, it is why peo­ple work out, right?
La­dy be­hind her: Um, maybe?

–Star­bucks, 27th & 6th

It’s All in the Frica­tives

Granny: Be care­ful!
Man jay­walk­ing with sev­er­al bags in hand: Ma, I know how to walk the streets in New York. [Car comes to screech­ing halt in front of him and honks. Man yells to dri­ver] Fuck you! [To granny] See, I’m fine.

–Main St, Flush­ing

Over­heard by: a ful­ly cer­ti­fied ny pedes­tri­an