Archive for January, 2008

There Would Be No Fur­ther Booty Calls for Ian

Amer­i­can woman: I heard this song the oth­er day — the lyrics were great.
British man: Hm?
Amer­i­can woman: It was al­most as good as that one song — you know, that one that goes, ‘Ain’t no call like a booty call, ’cause a booty call just don’t stop.‘
British man: Uh-huh.
Amer­i­can woman: The lyrics are all, ‘Looove is my re­li­gion. I’ll take you to the tem­ple tonight.‘
British man: Wow… Let’s just try to make some more re­al­ly shit­ty metaphors, why don’t we?

–Choga, Bleeck­er St

Over­heard by: Al­ice

I Don’t For­give Mel, and I Don’t For­give You

Col­lege ston­er: Would­n’t it be awe­some if, in­stead of be­ing Oedi­pus’s moth­er, Jo­cas­ta was Wal-Mart or some oth­er em­bod­i­ment of the com­mer­cial-in­dus­tri­al com­plex? And, in­stead of blind­ing him­self with his moth­er-wife’s brooches, Oedi­pus stabs him­self in the eyes with his name tag pin? Like, I won­der what that all would mean, dude. You ever think about that?
Stu­dious black friend: Wow. Pre­ten­tious much? Or are you just hashed right now?
Col­lege ston­er: Hashed, man. To­tal­ly. What were we talk­ing about, again? Oh, yeah!

–The Strand, Union Square

Over­heard by: neon­gen­sis

You’re Not Worth It. We Spit in Toron­to’s Cof­fee Now

Barista guy to girl wear­ing Red Sox hat: What do we have here? A Red Sox fan? What are you do­ing in this city? You don’t be­long here. Hey, what’s your name? Hey! Are you ig­nor­ing me?
Red Sox girl: I’m sor­ry, did you say some­thing?
Barista guy: Yeah, I was talk­ing about your hat — it sucks.
Red Sox girl: Yeah, what­ev­er. You did­n’t spit in my lat­te or any­thing, did you?

–Star­bucks

Over­heard by: Snoop­er

If by “Dis­count Shop­ping” You Mean “Anony­mous Bare­back­ing”

Young girl with Tex­an ac­cent #1: What’s So­ho?
Young girl with Tex­an ac­cent #2: Oh, that’s like where they have all the dis­count shop­ping places.

–R train

Head­line by: dan

Run­ners-Up:
· “Bush Twins.……Activate!” — ste­phie
· “In Texas, We Call It Mex­i­co…” — Michael Haigh
· “There’s a Wal-Mart in So­Ho?” — Chuck­les
· “They Were Dis­ap­point­ed with DUM­BO, Too.” — nick

Click here to see the new Head­line Con­test

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers, by Calvin Klein

Girl yelling to friend across street: Hey, guess what? I smelled it! I smelled it from here!

–Ford­ham Uni­ver­si­ty

Blonde on cell: So, I just took my hair down, and all I smelled was Dove and crack.

–JFK

Over­heard by: spanky

Man to no one: It smells like my ex-wife in here!

–High­line Ball­room

Hootchie on cell: No joke — it smelled ripe down there. I be all, ‘Jim­my… D‑A-M‑N! I’m too busy gag­ging from the smell to gag on your bits.’

–W Broad­way

Girl cry­ing on cell to boyfriend: How could you fuck her?! Her pussy stinks!

–Union Square

Over­heard by: Splen­did­Con­fu­sion

Thug on cell: Yo, I’m sure she smells bet­ter now, bro!

–Harlem Meer, Cen­tral Park

Over­heard by: mj

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Read Over­heard in the Of­fice

Con­duc­tor: Are you go­ing to work? Are you go­ing some­where? Let us know by get­ting out of train doors.

–R train, Lex­ing­ton Ave stop

Bar­tender swing­ing nip­ple tas­sels: Can you be­lieve they would­n’t let me do this at my old job?!

–Bar, Broad­way, be­tween 76th & 77th

Over­heard by: Lezbotron

IT guy: I can break what­ev­er I want, be­cause I fix it!

–Of­fice, 45th & 3rd

Over­heard by: beans

I‑banker to two oth­ers: He got the bonus for peo­ple that don’t get bonus­es.

–Metro-North

Com­e­dy club fly­er guy: I hate my job, and it’s all your fault!

–Times Square

30-some­thing hip­pie at show: 2008 is the year that I get a job.

–New Year’s Eve con­cert

Over­heard by: Smash