Dad: The invitation says five-thirty, but it probably won’t start until six.
Little girl: Six? I don’t understand — why do they make everyone rush to get here, and then we just have to wait?
—Miss Potter premiere, DGA Theater, 57th & 6th
Archive for January, 2008
There Would Be No Further Booty Calls for Ian
American woman: I heard this song the other day — the lyrics were great.
British man: Hm?
American woman: It was almost as good as that one song — you know, that one that goes, ‘Ain’t no call like a booty call, ’cause a booty call just don’t stop.’
British man: Uh-huh.
American woman: The lyrics are all, ‘Looove is my religion. I’ll take you to the temple tonight.’
British man: Wow… Let’s just try to make some more really shitty metaphors, why don’t we?
–Choga, Bleecker St
Overheard by: Alice
I Don’t Forgive Mel, and I Don’t Forgive You
College stoner: Wouldn’t it be awesome if, instead of being Oedipus’s mother, Jocasta was Wal-Mart or some other embodiment of the commercial-industrial complex? And, instead of blinding himself with his mother-wife’s brooches, Oedipus stabs himself in the eyes with his name tag pin? Like, I wonder what that all would mean, dude. You ever think about that?
Studious black friend: Wow. Pretentious much? Or are you just hashed right now?
College stoner: Hashed, man. Totally. What were we talking about, again? Oh, yeah!
–The Strand, Union Square
Overheard by: neongensis
You’re Not Worth It. We Spit in Toronto’s Coffee Now
Barista guy to girl wearing Red Sox hat: What do we have here? A Red Sox fan? What are you doing in this city? You don’t belong here. Hey, what’s your name? Hey! Are you ignoring me?
Red Sox girl: I’m sorry, did you say something?
Barista guy: Yeah, I was talking about your hat — it sucks.
Red Sox girl: Yeah, whatever. You didn’t spit in my latte or anything, did you?
–Starbucks
Overheard by: Snooper
The UN Delegates from North and South Korea Are at It Again
Woman: I mean, chicken nuggets go straight to your ass.
Man: At least my tits don’t sag.
–42nd & 8th
If by “Discount Shopping” You Mean “Anonymous Barebacking”
Young girl with Texan accent #1: What’s Soho?
Young girl with Texan accent #2: Oh, that’s like where they have all the discount shopping places.
–R train
Headline by: dan
Runners-Up:
· “Bush Twins…….Activate!” – stephie
· “In Texas, We Call It Mexico…” – Michael Haigh
· “There’s a Wal-Mart in SoHo?” – Chuckles
· “They Were Disappointed with DUMBO, Too.” – nick
White People Come to Understand Hip Hop Very Gradually Indeed
American: Americans call the last letter in the alphabet ‘zee,’ but in Britain they call it ‘zed.’
Swede: Oh! That’s why Jay-Z is pronounced ‘Jay Zee’ and not ‘Jay Zed’!
–JFK
But Don’t Quit Your Day Job
30-something mom: Here we are. Here we are. Get it? Here we arrre.
Five-year-old daughter: That’s a good one, Mommy.
–R train station, Union St
Overheard by: Tacologic
Wednesday One-Liners, by Calvin Klein
Girl yelling to friend across street: Hey, guess what? I smelled it! I smelled it from here!
–Fordham University
Blonde on cell: So, I just took my hair down, and all I smelled was Dove and crack.
–JFK
Overheard by: spanky
Man to no one: It smells like my ex-wife in here!
–Highline Ballroom
Hootchie on cell: No joke — it smelled ripe down there. I be all, ‘Jimmy… D-A-M-N! I’m too busy gagging from the smell to gag on your bits.’
–W Broadway
Girl crying on cell to boyfriend: How could you fuck her?! Her pussy stinks!
–Union Square
Overheard by: SplendidConfusion
Thug on cell: Yo, I’m sure she smells better now, bro!
–Harlem Meer, Central Park
Overheard by: mj
Wednesday One-Liners Read Overheard in the Office
Conductor: Are you going to work? Are you going somewhere? Let us know by getting out of train doors.
–R train, Lexington Ave stop
Bartender swinging nipple tassels: Can you believe they wouldn’t let me do this at my old job?!
–Bar, Broadway, between 76th & 77th
Overheard by: Lezbotron
IT guy: I can break whatever I want, because I fix it!
–Office, 45th & 3rd
Overheard by: beans
I-banker to two others: He got the bonus for people that don’t get bonuses.
–Metro-North
Comedy club flyer guy: I hate my job, and it’s all your fault!
–Times Square
30-something hippie at show: 2008 is the year that I get a job.
–New Year’s Eve concert
Overheard by: Smash