Girl: Oh, has your ear been penetrated?
Boy: It’s called ‘pierced,’ Maddie, not ‘penetrated.’ Pierced.
–Central Park
Archive for February, 2008
I Wrote about This on my Application Essay
Dude #1, burping loudly: I know you’re gassy if you have to fart a lot, but what are you if you have to burp a lot?
Dude #2: Same thing, in the opposite direction.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Wiley Willis
No — And for Religious Reasons
Hipster #1: Have we had the bar mitzvah conversation yet?
Hipster #2: I thought you were a Mexican?
Hipster #1: I’m Brazilian. And Jewish.
Hipster #2: Are you fucking with me?
–Williamsburg
Perhaps Not for You
Crazy old man selling bubble guns: Welcome to Coney Island!
Emo teen: This isn’t Coney Island!
–14th & Broadway
Overheard by: smirkingonlooker
Americans and Their Incomprehensible English
Tall foreign model #1: … And we nicknamed each other’s, you know, junk…
Tall foreign model #2: Really? What does he call yours?
Tall foreign model #1: He keeps calling it ‘Gina’ — I don’t get why.
Tall foreign model #2: Huh.
–12th & 4th
Hey, I Didn’t Vote for Him
Loud woman: That nigga stupid!
Friend: You right.
Loud woman: Nah, he worse than stupid. That nigga retarded! Re-tar-ded!
Friend: He didn’t even get good grades in college!
–F train
… Not to Mention Non-Jews
Hipster #1: So, everybody is moving to Park Slope.
Hipster #2: Who’s everybody?
Hipster #1: I don’t know… Jews…
–Williamsburg, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Emily
Upon Hearing This, Several New Yorkers Burst into Flames
Elderly tourist: This place is amazing. Exactly like Louisville.
Female companion: Yep. New York’s just like Louisville.
–W 4th & Greene
But What Else Do We Know about Ann Coulter?
Girl #1: She’s such a fucking bitch.
Girl #2: She’s such a motherfucking bitch.
Girl #1: Yeah, but she’s hot.
Girl #2: Yeah, she’s really fucking hot.
–7th & Ave A
Wanna See Me Stop My Heart?
Girl #1: Oh, look, they have yoga.
Girl #2: Yeah, but it’s all ‘Breathe in, breathe out.’ I hate that shit.
–Shake Shack line, Madison Square Park
Overheard by: Jacqui