I Think You Should Listen to the Question Again

Girl: Oh, has your ear been penetrated?
Boy: It’s called ‘pierced,’ Maddie, not ‘penetrated.’ Pierced.

–Central Park

I Wrote about This on my Application Essay

Dude #1, burping loudly: I know you’re gassy if you have to fart a lot, but what are you if you have to burp a lot?
Dude #2: Same thing, in the opposite direction.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Wiley Willis

No — And for Religious Reasons

Hipster #1: Have we had the bar mitzvah conversation yet?
Hipster #2: I thought you were a Mexican?
Hipster #1: I’m Brazilian. And Jewish.
Hipster #2: Are you fucking with me?

–Williamsburg

Perhaps Not for You

Crazy old man selling bubble guns: Welcome to Coney Island!
Emo teen: This isn’t Coney Island!

–14^th & Broadway

Overheard by: smirkingonlooker

Americans and Their Incomprehensible English

Tall foreign model #1: … And we nicknamed each other’s, you know, junk…
Tall foreign model #2: Really? What does he call yours?
Tall foreign model #1: He keeps calling it ‘Gina’ — I don’t get why.
Tall foreign model #2: Huh.

–12^th & 4^th

Hey, I Didn’t Vote for Him

Loud woman: That nigga stupid!
Friend: You right.
Loud woman: Nah, he worse than stupid. That nigga retarded! Re-tar-ded!
Friend: He didn’t even get good grades in college!

–F train

… Not to Mention Non-Jews

Hipster #1: So, everybody is moving to Park Slope.
Hipster #2: Who’s everybody?
Hipster #1: I don’t know… Jews…

–Williamsburg, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Emily

Upon Hearing This, Several New Yorkers Burst into Flames

Elderly tourist: This place is amazing. Exactly like Louisville.
Female companion: Yep. New York’s just like Louisville.

–W 4^th & Greene

But What Else Do We Know about Ann Coulter?

Girl #1: She’s such a fucking bitch.
Girl #2: She’s such a motherfucking bitch.
Girl #1: Yeah, but she’s hot.
Girl #2: Yeah, she’s really fucking hot.

–7^th & Ave A

Wanna See Me Stop My Heart?

Girl #1: Oh, look, they have yoga.
Girl #2: Yeah, but it’s all ‘Breathe in, breathe out.’ I hate that shit.

–Shake Shack line, Madison Square Park

Overheard by: Jacqui