Girl #1: She asked us once if Jesus had a last name.
Girl #2: Oh. [Pauses.] Wait, I know this one.
–Penn Station
Archive for May, 2008
Yet I’m Oddly Hungry
Woman in elevator: So then he just bit off the hamster’s head.
Man in elevator: That’s gross.
Woman in elevator: I’m telling you. That’s what happens when you don’t feed babies. They just bite off hamsters’ heads and eat them. It’s disgusting.
Man just entering elevator: This is so disturbing.
–Elevator, Ripley-Ggrier Studios
Overheard by: a poor victim of this conversation
Would Also Help Solve the Problem of What to Put in My Video-Will
Old man: By this time of day, my left buttcheek always starts hurting! Not the right one, just the left one. In the morning I feel fine, but by the afternoon… It hurts!
Old lady: I don’t know what to tell you, Earl. Maybe you need to shake it more.
–Bay Terrace
Overheard by: Sov
Way More Lifelike Than the Actual Elizabeth
Little girl, pointing at Andy Warhol portrait of Marilyn Monroe: Mommy, who’s that lady?
Mom: That’s Elizabeth Taylor, honey.
Little girl: Oh, hello, Elizabeth.
–The Moderne Hotel, 55th & Broadway
Dr. Obvious Seizes Any Chance to Demonstrate Her Expertise
Four-year-old cute tourist girl: Mommy, people are different in New York!
Tourist mom: They’re all fuckin’ crazy.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Natasha G
So It’s Guaranteed You’ll Fall Asleep Right Afterwards
Hipster guy trying to make out with hipster girl: Come on baby, I swear I’m not drunk.
Exasperated hipster girl: Oh my god, I didn’t say you’re drunk, I said you have mono.
–Friday Night Bar Crawl, West 4th St
I Worried She’d Never Develop Man-Boobs
Male professor #1: Your daughter is starting to look like you.
Male professor #2: That’s comforting.
–NYU
Overheard by: ann
Well We Do Have to Determine There Was No Foul Play
PetCo employee: If your goldfish dies within the first fifteen days, you can return it for a full refund.
Customer: Do I bring back the corpse?
–Union Square PetCo
Overheard by: Jenny
More Legal Troubles for Zsa Zsa Gabor
Woman: So… After she took the banana, the monkey just up and slapped her! Can you believe that?
Man: What did she do?
Woman: What do you think she did? She slapped that bitch right back!
–JFK Airport
And the Ensuing Blowjob Happened Organically
Guy #1: My friend hit my balls so I tackled him to the ground and grabbed his nuts. That’s not gay, right?
Guy #2: No, he hit you first.
Guy #1: I mean, it’s not like I was crushing grapes or anything, he hit me in the nuts! What was I supposed to do!?
–NYU Bus
Overheard by: totallynotgay