Archive for July, 2008

And on the Third Day, George Car­lin Rose

Crazy guy in cam­ou­flage: And I was like: “Fucking…what the fuck, man! Fuck it!“
Teen passer­by (very se­ri­ous­ly): I love that man.
Prep­py friend: Oh my god, me too! (gives thumbs up)

–48th & 6th

Head­line by: Golf Wid­ow

Run­ners-Up:
· “Every­one Loves a Good Fuck” — mel­ly
· “How Bil­ly and Tom­my Knew What Love Re­al­ly Means” — Stel­li­na
· “I Hear He’s Speak­ing at Grad­u­a­tion!” — fuck­ing fan
· “Schiz­o­phre­nia Is the New Black.” — Josh
· “Touret­te’s Groupies” — TheSchilsk

Click here to see the new Head­line Con­test

Chicks with Wednes­day One-Lin­ers!

Chick on cell: In the past three weeks, I’ve been to more tran­ny-host­ed par­ties than non-tran­ny host­ed par­ties.

–Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty

Over­heard by: La­dle

Mi­ni-Asian teen: Well he’s not a re­al man in the sense that he has a pe­nis, or like, male re­pro­duc­tive or­gans.

–6 Train

Loud woman: I can’t tell whether he’s a les­bian or just gay.

–Bam­boo 52

Over­heard by: Aidan

An­gry man: Suck my pussy dick!

–Canal St

Over­heard by: Kaitlen

Black woman to group of friends, af­ter watch­ing an at­trac­tive black man walk by: Mm­m­mm, he so fine! I wan­na stick my dick up that ass!

–Du­ane Reade

Bum on sub­way: (singing) when I go in­to space, I’­ma take a strip­per wit’ me!
(woman puts a dol­lar bill in his cup)
Bum: I’­ma take a tran­nie too, but the tran­nie cost ex­tra!
(man puts a dol­lar in his cup)
Bum: La dee da!

–L Train from Williams­burg

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Don’t Fall Far from the Tree

Girl on cell pass­ing by: That sounds great, hon­ey, but there is no pos­si­ble rea­son you’d need to shove an en­tire lime in the garbage dis­pos­al.

–Lafayette & Hous­ton

(tourist la­dy eats ba­nana)
Fer­ry bag la­dy: Why are you eat­ing that ba­nana? You know it’s not healthy for you. They say you need potas­si­um but you don’t need no potas­si­um. You don’t want no ba­nana, it’s nasty and mushy. Throw it out. Throw out that ba­nana. You don’t want no nasty mushy ba­nana.
(bug-eyed tourist la­dy con­tin­ues to eat ba­nana)

–Stat­en Is­land Fer­ry Ter­mi­nal

Five-year-old girl, sit­ting in the gro­cery cart next to her twin sis­ter, as their moth­er push­es them around the store: You’re squish­ing me like a pineap­ple! You’re squish­ing me like a pineap­ple, I said!

–9th St Mar­ket

Over­heard by: Elle Woods (Chelsea Huck­abay)

Old man with Boston ac­cent to pre­pu­bes­cent boy: Squirt that in your nose and it’s like you have a blue­ber­ry bush.

–42nd & 5th

Over­heard by: An­niemal

20-year-old bak­ery chick: I was in Brook­lyn yes­ter­day on 18th Ave. There were three Mex­i­cans on bikes. One was dressed like a ba­nana. So then I walked up to him and I was like: “Dude, you’re dressed like a ba­nana and you’re on a bike, that’s awe­some. Can I take a pic­ture of you?”

–Bak­ery, Stat­en Is­land

Over­heard by: Traci Cuc­cu­rul­lo

Loud girl: I nev­er wash my fruit! I eat things that have fall­en on the floor! And that’s why I don’t have al­ler­gies!

–375 Hud­son St.

Over­heard by: Har­ri­et Vane

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Cunt Hard­ly Wait

Thuggette: She just went in there to scoop her vagi­na out and then she came back.

–Hud­son Riv­er Park

Teenage girl on cell: Yeah, I got a Brazil­ian wax for the first time yes­ter­day. And now I’m afraid of the pow­er of my own vagi­na.

–1 Train

Over­heard by: westch­ester girl

Adorable lit­tle girl: I was born in 2002, from my mom’s vagi­na.

–New York Har­bor

Over­heard by: Bar­ry P.

Man to woman: Ohh­hh, is she the one with mag­gots in her vagi­na?

–51st & 9th

Over­heard by: High­stein

Chick on cell: Tell her to put that in her pipe and smoke it. Or even bet­ter, in her vagi­na. (sar­cas­ti­cal­ly) Ooh, pen­e­tra­tion!

–Penn Sta­tion

Over­heard by: Poo­gins

Very large black man: My pe­nis’ jus’ as im­po-tant as her vagi­na.
Small meek white man: (nods in agree­ment or fear)

–A Train