Archive for July, 2008

Wednesday One-Liners Won’t Be Buried in the Jewish Cemetery

Girl on cell (reading US Weekly): Hey, Pam Anderson and Tommy Lee were photographed together! That means there’s still hope for me and that guy from the tattoo shop!

–Brookyln Diner, Times Square

Latina: What’s with grandma keeping gettin’ tattoos that show?

–Uptown 1 Train

Overheard by: Justin Case de Foodisbad

Chick to another: The only thing he better get tattooed on his butt is my name!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Angela

Guy to girlfriend: Does that guy over there have a picture of Kim Jong II tattooed on his shoulder? (pause) Or is that his kid? (pause) Cause that’s fucked up!

–Brighton Beach

Overheard by: Not sure myself…

Girl: So I hooked up with this guy who had a prison tattoo of an eagle ripping up the communist manifesto. I was like: “God bless America,” y’know?

–N train

Overheard by: amen

Wednesday One-Liners Pull a Winona

Teenage hipster to friend: Oh look, it’s the Hannah Montana lip gloss I stole from a little kid!

–Uptown F Train

Overheard by: Joy

Big thug: Hey man, I’m not gonna even lie: selling candy on the train keeps me from robbing and stealing from most of ya on the train today… Hook a nigga up!

–2 Train

Overheard by: Cashiem Evans (da mad blogger)

Schoolgirl dressing down another: You took the whole backpack? Why didn’t you just take what you needed to steal and leave the bag there?

–DeKalb & Clermont, Clinton Hill

Overheard by: Morning Glory

Lady on cell: So you know what happened? He stole my deodorant, and you know what was under it? My hundred dollars!

–Metro-North, 125th St Station

Overheard by: That must be some expensive deodorant

Woman yelling into cell: Don’t rob them, they’re Danish!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Tina

25% Of All New Yorkers Have Wednesday One-Liners

Thug on cell: Wait, so you said you needed something for herpes? (pause) I said, you need something for your herpes? (pause) Well, I smoked a little before I came over here…

–Harlem Rite Aid

Man: Your wife! Your wife! Richard Dawkins is gonna get herpes from your wife!

–French Roast, 86th & Broadway

Overheard by: zdog

Girl on cell wearing a Puerto Rican flag bandana: I dunno, I mean, I just can’t keep doing this. I don’t want to get herpes again.

–Bleecker & Mercer

Overheard by: JLief

Girl on subway to friend: I’ve never looked at you and thought you looked like you had herpes.

–E Train

Mother to tween daughter, ecstatically hugging friend: Remember, girls: No sharing saliva. That’s how you get herpes and ruin your summer.

–3rd & 92nd

Overheard by: rebecca

The Guerrilla Marketing of Wednesday One-Liners

Man handing out free demos: You want a CD? It’s free! It’s really good! It’s me! (passersby ignore him) Fine, but when I die you cannot wear a t‑shirt with my face on it!

–Broadway

Overheard by: porkchop sandwiches

Guy promoting comedy club: It costs less than a movie and we’ll get you drunk!

–7th & 40th

Overheard by: Erin

Guy at stall: We’re slashing prices today! Today’s the anniversary of Lorena Bobbit!

–Street Fair, Washington Square North

Guy selling perfume: Ladies, buy one and get my number free!

–34th & 7th

Overheard by: Denah

Man advertising standup comedy event: Comedy and alcohol for all you miserable bastards out there!

–Broadway

Man selling tickets to a comedy club: I hate my job! Come get drunk! Sell tickets! Sell tickets! Drinks! Drunk! Come get druuuunk!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Kate

Have You Ever Read Wednesday One-Liners… on Weed?

Man on cell: Do you have any (quieter and mumbled) bagms? (pause, more intense) Do you have any (mumbled)? (one word at a time) Weed! Weed! Do you have any weeeed? (pause) No? Nothing? Well you’re not much of a drug dealer then, are you?

–77th St & 3rd Ave, Bay Ridge, Brooklyn

Overheard by: fet

Hipster: …becoming a teacher and then getting arrested for marijuana possession in South Korea.

–L Train

Overheard by: paola

Boy running by: They’re playing frisbee! I have to roll a joint!

–Pratt Institute

Teenage girl to guy with long hair and long beard in a tie-dye shirt: You look like you could be some kind of famous stoner.

–L Train

Mother to seven-year-old son (angrily): Don’t you ever tell anyone else at school that I smoke marijuana! I’ll go to jail and you’ll be dead! (suddenly calm) It is, however, something I personally believe people should have a right to do.

–M102 Bus

Officer: “Phew! Narrowly Avoided That Paperwork.”

Teen: Excuse me officer, do you guys still do that thing where you get a grand for turning in people with guns?
Cop: Yeah, if they are arrested and are in possession of illegal firearms.
Teen: So, is that like a grand per head kinda deal?
Officer: I don’t think so, no.
Teen: Oh…I don’t know shit. (walks away)

–Columbus Circle Station

Overheard by: Graham Davis