Mom to tween daughter: Are you mad at me?
Tween daughter: No, I’m not mad at you.
Mom: Why aren’t you mad at me? You have every right to be.
–NJ Transit
Archive for September, 2008
“Bitch, You Awake?” Being the Second.
Boyfriend: Love you.
Girlfriend: Love you too.
Boyfriend: Love your rack too.
Girlfriend: That’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever said to me.
–82nd & 1st
Overheard by: Cocomo
Headline by: Ross
Runners-Up:
· “How the Hat-Check Girl Was Won Over…” — Earthborn
· “Low Expectations Can Be Surprisingly Rewarding…” — Sphaeron
· “Pipe Down, I Didn’t Say I Loved Your Mouth” — Daniel Patterson
· “That’s the Same Thing Your Sister Said!” — cafn8ed
· “The Deepest Conversation Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo Have Ever Had” — rudegrl
I Gag Every Time I Look at 1970’s Beaver Shots
Nine-year-old girl: Are you a Republican or a Democrat?
14-year-old girl: Well, I’m a Democrat.
Nine-year-old girl: Why?
14-year-old girl: Well, in my opinion, being a Democrat means you don’t like Bush.
Nine-year-old girl: Oh. I’m a Democrat, too.
–Brooklyn Public Library, Greenpoint Branch
Overheard by: Jack Jackl
My Mom Says Hunger Makes You Pretty
Man collecting money: One penny, one penny! No one should be hungry!
Little child: You’re wrong! Stop saying that!
–Waverly & University Place
Overheard by: Obviously a Republican
Wait! — Let Me Put on My L.L. Bean Jacket and Try That Again
Wannabe rap superstar: Yo, wanna buy this CD?
Middle aged white guy: What are the beats like?
Wannabe rap superstar: (silence)
Middle aged white guy: Are they like (starts beat-boxing)?
Wannabe rap superstar: No. (leaves)
–96th St & Amsterdam
Overheard by: sure they weren’t
Your Relationship with Your Mom Is Way Too Complex
Drunken woman: So why did you decide to marry her?
Drunken man: Because she just moved in!
–Ayza Wine & Chocolate Bar
Overheard by: Colleen
One Fuckaccino, One No-Balls, and a Mysterious East Coming Up
Customer: Hi, can I have one tall mocha frappuccino light, one venti skim decaf latte with an extra shot, and one tall iced chai?
Surly barista (under his breath): Oh, that’s just great for me.
–Starbucks
Overheard by: Lexcar
Where They Let the Sunshine in
(after a performance of Hair)
Woman: What was your favorite part?
Four-year-old girl: I liked all the parts.
Six-year-old girl: I liked the naked part.
–Delacorte Theater, Central Park
Might We Recommend I Am Curious (Bonobo)?
Tween boy #1: Did you see her monkey?
Tween boy #2: She has a monkey?
Tween boy #1: The monkey in her pants, tard.
Tween boy #2: She has a monkey in her pants?
Tween boy #1: You need to watch more porn.
Tween boy #2: Porn with monkeys? My brother is right, I’m not ready for any of this.
–D Train
Overheard by: BobK
…on Easter Morning
Guy (smelling weed, to male friend): Hey man, you smell that?
Girl: Yeah, it smells like my dad.
–Terminal 5
Overheard by: Adam
