Archive for December, 2008

Meds­day One-Lin­ers

Ra­di­ol­o­gy nurse: I have been asked out be­fore. But nev­er while giv­ing a bar­i­um en­e­ma!

–Ra­di­ol­o­gy Med­ical Of­fice, Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: Pa­per

Doc­tor on cell: I have to get ori­ent­ed as to the lo­ca­tion of those ca­dav­ers!

–3rd Ave, Near Cabri­ni Med­ical Cen­ter

Old­er doc­tor to younger doc­tor in a group: You ac­tu­al­ly tried to get a der­ma­tol­ogy con­sul­tant to come in the mid­dle of the night? That was pret­ty dumb. You know those guys would­n’t get out of their Shea but­ter body wraps un­less the world was end­ing.

–Kings Coun­ty Emer­gency Room

Suit to la­dy friend: If you re­al­ly want­ed to smoke crack you’d go to the hos­pi­tal!

–Nas­sau St & Ann St

Over­weight girl to fe­male friend: Wan­na play gy­ne­col­o­gist?

–St. Mark’s Place

Over­heard by: Sarah Booz

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Know When to Stop

Bus dri­ver: We should be ar­riv­ing in Port Au­thor­i­ty soon, hope­ful­ly at our sched­ule ar­rival time, but it all de­pends on the Lord of the tun­nel.

–Port Au­thor­i­ty Bus

Over­heard by: Emi­ly

M60 bus dri­ver, un­der breath, to traf­fic ahead: Mush. Mush. Yeah, mule. Mush. Git along.

–106th & West End

Bus dri­ver on PA: Madam, don’t let your chil­dren swing on the hand bars…this is not a jail.

–M15 Bus

Over­heard by: bonobox­oxo

Fun­ny bus dri­ver in soft-spo­ken jazz voice: This is Madi­son Av­enue. If this is you, get out. I wish I was get­ting out. Does any­one know how to get out? Next is Park Avenue…or it’s not. Is any­one lis­ten­ing? Thanks for the smile.

–M16 Crosstown Bus

An­nounc­er on bus (wait­ing for some­one to re­quest a stop): Come on, my line’s open. Some­one di­al my num­ber. Come on, you know the num­ber! (a pas­sen­ger re­quests a stop) There we go! Thanks for call­ing! I knew you would!

–M16 Bus

Over­heard by: al­li

Let Me Guess… Was It a Tossed Sal­ad?

La­dy #1: Girl, it was the best sal­ad I ever *had*! Ba­by, it was bet­ter than sex! All I got­ta do is eat this sal­ad and mas­tur­bate and I’m good to go!
La­dy #2: I thought it was okay, but it was­n’t bet­ter than sex.
La­dy #1: That’s ’cause you smoke too much and you burnt off all your taste buds. You taste things based on mem­o­ry.

–W 26th St & 7th Ave

Over­heard by: Ja­son