20-something woman to 20-something man: You were thrown out because you were always creeping around all those women on the fourth floor.
–42nd St & 8th Ave
Archive for 2008
That’s What He Calls Guitar Hero
Guy: So yeah, now she says she’s dating Steve.
Chick: Steve the crackhead or pyromaniac Steve?
Guy: The one who isn’t in prison.
Chick: I thought you were dating him.
Guy: He found religion. Or something.
–West Village
In Case You’d Like to Visit Brazil Parcel Post
Drunk Asian girl to bouncer stamping her hand: What is this? What does this do?
Big black bouncer: It’s a stamp.
–Central Bar, Near Astor Place
Overheard by: waiting to get in
How to Tell If Someone Studies a Lot
College Student #1: Dude, how excited are you for Snakes on a Plane?
College Student #2: Snakes on a Plane? What’s that about?
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Vadim
The Genesis of Kaylee’s Stool-Holding Neurosis
Mom, showing baby box of Dora the Explorer-themed diapers: Look, baby, you’re gonna have Dora!
Baby (touching box): Dora!
Dad: You and Dora gonna have beef after you crap all over her.
–Target, Atlantic Terminal, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Matt Johnson
They’ll Kiss, but They Both Have No-Nudity Clauses
16-year old girl to 40-year-old creep: So my name is Jenny, that’s Angie. My number is like, (516) 555‑5555, and you can call me and us, like, anytime! We’ll totally get together!
(pause)
40-year-old creep: What’s your name again?
–Uptown 6 Train
Overheard by: Shira
Yeah, Good Point Mom, I’ll Just Make One out of My Discman and Some Liquid Instead
Mom: The police are going to be everywhere today. They have to watch out for terrorists who might have bombs in their bags.
Little Boy: What if I accidentally have a bomb up my butt?
Mom: They’ll have to squeeze it out of you. Being a policeman is a dangerous job.
Little Boy: But what if I fart, and it explodes?!
Mom: Being a policeman is a dangerous job.
–F Train
Overheard by: Stephanie E.
Aww, Egregious!
Eleven-year-old #1 (gasping): You have a PSP? That’s so *royal*!
Eleven-year-old #2: I know! Isn’t it sexy?
–JetBlue Flight, JFK
Overheard by: emily
Ok, So She Sleeps Above the Covers. Four *Feet* Above the Covers!
Guy #1: The girl I’m thinking of, she’s not exactly crazy, but…
Guy #2: What, am I gonna wake up tied to the bed?
–15th & 5th
Isn’t It, Like, a Means of Understanding Multidimensional Space as a Four-Dimensional Construct in Which We Move Forward in One Direction?
Dude #1: Do you think New York is multicultural?
Dude #2: Let me answer that with a question. (long pause) Do you know what the time is?
–Times Square
