Toy soldier guarding FAO Schwarz: The store is now closed. No exceptions.
Man wearing pants that could only be European: But meester, we are from eetaly!
–FAO Schwarz
Overheard by: magical-newyork.blogspot.com
Archive for 2008
Jon Stewart: “As Smart As I”
Skater #1: A Stephen Colbert and Jon Stewart ticket would totally win the presidency, on popularity alone.
Skater #2: Jon Stewart is really smart… He’s like as smart as…he’s as smart as me.
–N Train
From the Circus-Folk Version of Our Bodies, Ourselves
Cute 18-year-old girl, looking in a mirror: I can’t believe I still have this pimple on my chin.
Older sister: Let me see. Geez, I think it’s getting bigger.
Metrosexual brother: That’s because she shaves her beard with the razor I use for my ass.
–Upper West Side
You Should See Me Heal the Lepers
Train engineer #1, after train comes to a halt: Uh, I think we might have a problem.
Train engineer #2: Aw, not again…
Train engineer #1: Wait…hold on. Oh, there we go.
(train starts running again)
Train engineer #2: Ah! Such magical fingers you have…
–Metro-North Train
Overheard by: Eve
If We’ll All Burn in Hell Anyway, Why Are You Preaching?
Jesus freak on subway: We are all sinners. We commit sins everyday. We will all burn in hell.
Woman next to him: I don’t feel that way.
Jesus freak: Oh yeah? What do you do?
Woman: I am a doctor.
Jesus freak: Hah! You murder people everyday!
–1 Train
We Were Rooting for You Right Until the End, Lady
Large ghetto lady: Astro place?
Thug: Yeah, Astro place.
Large ghetto lady: Motherfucka, can you read?!
Thug: It’s Astro place, it should definitely be Astro place.
Large ghetto lady: It’s Astor place, ain’t no Astro place.
Thug: Like, do you throw asses at it and shit?
Large ghetto lady: Asto-o-o-o-r-r‑r place (laughs condescendingly for at least a minute) Yo, I got arrested at Astor place.
–Downtown 6 Train
Overheard by: Sad to say, I got off at the same stop.
With “Name That Classical Composer” As a Close Third
Drunk guy, loudly: Let’s go! Let’s go and drink and play drinking games!
Comparatively sober girlfriend: Shhhh, honey.
Drunk guy, even more loudly: Oh, who’s in my mouth? That’s my second favorite game. After Rock Band.
–Elevator, 15th & 7th
Overheard by: Whatever Happened to Scrabble?
When a Man Puts Aside His Fake ID
Conductor #1: Now arriving on track 21, track 21, folks. Track 21.
Conductor #2: Ahhh, 21…the age of love!
–Metro North
You Want a Good Relationship With the Sire of Your Illegitimate Children
Black woman: So he wanted to get married, so I can help him out, and I was all for it, cuz I’ve know him since I was fifteen, and we’re cool like that.
Indian woman: Well, do it then.
Black woman: But then he said he wanted more like a real wife…I can’t be anyone’s wife, I got me two kids and my baby’s daddy might not like it.
Indian woman: Uhhh. Well, then know what you’re doing.
–M4 Downtown
Overheard by: Amanda
I Got Thrown Going Around a Curve
College bro-dude #1: Man, I really fucked up my arm.
College bro-dude #2: Yeah. You need to get an x‑ray.
College bro-dude #1: Man, I knew I shouldn’t have fucked a fat chick.
–Clark St, Brooklyn
