Archive for 2008

From The Princess and the Por­cu­pine: a West Vil­l­lage Fairy Tale

Girl with crazy hair: It would be freak­ing mag­nif­i­cent if your cats stopped chow­ing down my pre­cious toi­let pa­per every morn­ing.
Huge bald man: What are you, drunk? I paid for it.
Girl with crazy hair: Not im­por­tant. Had to use the emer­gency roll and it was like rub­bing por­cu­pines on my twat.
Huge bald man: Sand­pa­per, maybe. Por­cu­pines, not so much.

–Wash­ing­ton St & Charles St

From the Cir­cus-Folk Ver­sion of Our Bod­ies, Our­selves

Cute 18-year-old girl, look­ing in a mir­ror: I can’t be­lieve I still have this pim­ple on my chin.
Old­er sis­ter: Let me see. Geez, I think it’s get­ting big­ger.
Met­ro­sex­u­al broth­er: That’s be­cause she shaves her beard with the ra­zor I use for my ass.

–Up­per West Side

We Were Root­ing for You Right Un­til the End, La­dy

Large ghet­to la­dy: As­tro place?
Thug: Yeah, As­tro place.
Large ghet­to la­dy: Moth­er­fuc­ka, can you read?!
Thug: It’s As­tro place, it should def­i­nite­ly be As­tro place.
Large ghet­to la­dy: It’s As­tor place, ain’t no As­tro place.
Thug: Like, do you throw ass­es at it and shit?
Large ghet­to la­dy: As­to-o-o-o-r-r‑r place (laughs con­de­scend­ing­ly for at least a minute) Yo, I got ar­rest­ed at As­tor place.

–Down­town 6 Train

Over­heard by: Sad to say, I got off at the same stop.

With “Name That Clas­si­cal Com­pos­er” As a Close Third

Drunk guy, loud­ly: Let’s go! Let’s go and drink and play drink­ing games!
Com­par­a­tive­ly sober girl­friend: Shh­hh, hon­ey.
Drunk guy, even more loud­ly: Oh, who’s in my mouth? That’s my sec­ond fa­vorite game. Af­ter Rock Band.

–El­e­va­tor, 15th & 7th

Over­heard by: What­ev­er Hap­pened to Scrab­ble?