Archive for 2008

All Porn Points to “Yes”

Asian boy: So I went on a date with this guy ‑and this has happened before- he asked me if I shave my arms! And I was like: “No… I’m Asian.“
White girl: Are Asians hairless?

–5 Mott Street

Overheard by: Laura B

Headline by: Toby

· “Asians Also Lack a Four-Chambered Heart.” — Matthew
· “Later He Asked Me If I’d Had Penis Reduction Surgery” — Jazz Musician
· “Racism Isn’t Waning — It’s Waxing” — Alchar Haven
· “What Do You Think We Are, Mammals?” — kew
· “Why Anime and Furries Just Don’t Mix!” — GeekGrrl
· “Yes, But We All Buy the Same Wigs” — Melissa
· “Yes, It Makes Us More Aerodynamic So We Breeze Through Those Math Classes.” — JohnnyB

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Wednesday One-Liners Are Next to Godliness

Hipster: It just sucks having to change the sheets every day.

–54th & Broadway

Overheard by: J‑Dawg

Man coming out of bathroom: Rhetorical question: do you wash your hands before or after pissing?

–Columbia Bathroom

Old man on cell: You tell her I don’t want her using that same toilet brush. I want her to use a new one for my place.

–34 Ave, Astoria

Overheard by: truly confused

Tranny to another: And I told him if he wanted to shove that shit up my pussy, he better wash it real good first!

–2nd St b/w 1st & 2nd Aves

Guy on cell: It still stinks? Did you try washing it? Oh. How about using a nail brush? You did? Well, how much skin did you lose?

–C Train

Overheard by: Davis Baker

Angry thug on cell: I ain’t washin’ shit!

–Broadway & Great Jones

Overheard by: Jon A.

Where My Wednesday One-Liners At?

Homeless man to barking dog: You can yell at me all you want! It don’t change a thing! I can hold shit and you can’t cause you don’t got thumbs, bitch!

–Union Square Dog Park

Man, talking to his dog as he walks it: I don’t understand it. Why won’t you talk to me?

–W 225th St

Man to barking dog: Okay, okay, we’ll go to the park.

–75th & Madison

Overheard by: tb

Woman carrying tiny white dog in doggy bag, walking ahead of man carrying another tiny white dog in doggy bag: It’s a temporary separation.

–W 66th St

Overheard by: Susan Volchok

Big ghetto guy talking to dog: Look forward! You know what your problem is? You’re too fuckin’ beautiful! Someone gonna see you and steal you. And they won’t treat you as nice, they beat you and burn your ass. You know they eat dog? Chinese people eat dog! They chop you up with a butcher knife and serve you. You the main course… with a side of flied lice. Look forward!

–19th St

Overheard by: Intellectual Steakhead

Man, to small white dog: Hey puppy, I’m gonna kill you! [Turns to scared-looking Asian girl.] I was trying to make you laugh. I guess it didn’t work.

–29th b/w 7th & 8th

Wednesday One-Liners (Bow Chicka Bow Bow)

Suit: Do you know what it’s like when you’re reading the news and you get 19 clips of Brazilian women fucking?

–Astor Place & Lafayette

Overheard by: that’s a problem?

Woman to dinner companion: I think I’d like to get into flagellation porn. I’m not really sure how to go about it though.

–Ludlow & Broome

Random girl, during lull in party conversation: But it’s straight porn!

–Bleecker & W 10th

Overheard by: Deontology

Guy: I wouldn’t fuck her if she was the last person on earth! There had better be porn on cable!

–5 Train

Professor: Does anyone know Henry Miller? [Girl raises her hand.] You and those of us… those of us who had to resort to the Sears Roebuck catalog for porn… Well, when we got older we had to turn to higher literature so we’d flip through Henry Miller for delightful dirty passages.

–Religion Class, Hunter College

Overheard by: liza