Yuppie wannabe guy #1: I’m not trendy, am I?
Yuppie wannabe guy #2: No, you’re not trendy.
Yuppie wannabe girl: No, no. You’re not trendy. You’re you. You’re you.
–MetroNorth Harlem Line
Overheard by: M.A.
Archive for 2008
And Then Martha’s Vineyard
Frat boy: So, where are you going for the summer?
Preppy girl: Dead babies.
–C Train
Overheard by: Jacob
Come On – We New Yorkers Have Rules
Crazy 20-something woman, screaming into cell: But where have you been? (sobs) I’ve been waiting for you. Where are you? (screaming louder) It’s been hours, where are you? Where are you? How could you do this to me? Where are you?
(everyone on sidewalk turns around as she passes)
Man: It is way too early for that.
Woman: Yeah, that’s the kind of call you make at 3 am, when you’re drunk.
–Taxi Line, Penn Station
Overheard by: Nancy
Now I’ll Never Know How This Abe Lincoln Biography Ends!
Driver: Attention all passengers on the left side of the bus, I believe that the reading lights on your side are broken. I apologize.
Lady on the left side: Oh god, now what do we do?
Driver (muttering): Son of a bitch…take a nap!
–Bus, Port Authority
Overheard by: Sitting on the right side laughing
To Within a Couple Of Crocodiles
Professor, describing a picture of the Calendario Azteca: It’s not actually a calendar, but a depiction of Aztec cosmology and creation.
Student: Is it accurate?
–Columbia University
NewsFlash: Catty Actor Shortage! NASDAQ Tumbles!
Male actor: They didn’t hire him for his voice. They hired him to do the part was because he was the last actor in New York City who was willing to put on a cat costume and tour the country for two years.
Female actor: Uh-huh.
–Le Petite Un Deux Trois Restaurant
Overheard by: Truetuft
Duck I’d Like To Fry?
Hot gay ginger: Ooh! Look at how yummy these grapes look!
Cute half-Asian: Not as yummy as that dilf outside…
–Dean & Deluca
Overheard by: reid r.
Headline by: Myrtle Willoughby
Runners-Up:
· “And So Grape Nuts Were Born” — DRS
· “How to Toss a Half-Asian Salad” — [email protected]
· “It’s Official: Gay Men Are the New Teenage Girls.” — Steve
· “Some People Just Prefer Bananas” — Hot gay ginger
· “That’s Why They Call It the Fruit Section.” — Jesse
Almost As Much As I Hate the “Your Call Cannot Be Completed” Whore
(hurried suit squeezes into packed compartment of automated revolving door)
Automated female voice: Please step forward.
Suit, squishing forward: Eat me!
Automated female voice: Thank you.
Suit: God, I hate that cheery bitch.
–Marriott Marquis Hotel, Times Square
Overheard by: austin
Take It Slow– Remember, I Work Here.
Mother: What’s the name of the play?
Daughter: The Misanthrope.
Mother: How do you spell that?
Daughter: It’s with an “e“
Mother: That doesn’t help me.
–Barnes & Noble
Overheard by: John Blaze
That’s One Word for It
9th grade girl #1: Yo, this shit is mad boring. This school’s a damn waste of ma time. Plus, it’s grimy and nasty, all the girls have that thing that begins with a “c,” what’s it called?
9th grade girl #2: Cooties?
9th grade girl #1: Nah.
9th grade girl #2: Chlamydia?
9th grade girl #1: Yeah, that’s it! That shit is annoying.
–M86 Bus
