Archive for 2008

Whatever, Mr. “Bolivia Is a City in Spain”

Young girl: I’m bored.
Father: Okay, let’s play the state name alphabet game.
Young girl: Yay!
Father: Okay, here we go — A?
Young girl: Alabama!
Father: Good. B?
Young girl: Bolivia!
Father: No, that’s a city in Spain. Try again.
Young girl: … I can’t!
Father: That’s because there are no states beginning with B! Ha! Gets you every time! Okay — C?
Young girl: Carolina!
Father: Eh, I shouldn’t really give you credit for that… but I guess this time… D?
Young girl: Dashwood!
Father: Dashwood?! What the fuck is Dashwood?! This game is over.

–C train

Overheard by: CPC

So Close I Got Squeezed out and Ended up Here

Worker: So, where are you from?
Asian guy: Ummm, Fresh Meadows, Queens.
Worker: No, really, where are you from? Like, overseas?
Asian guy: Taiwan.
Worker: Oh. How do you say ‘Hi’?
Asian guy: Ni hao.
Worker: That’s like the same as Chinese right?
Asian guy: Yeah.
Worker: Is it because the countries are really close?

–OMG store, Soho

Overheard by: Larry Liou

Says the Guy Who Owns Buffy on DVD?

Thug #1: Man, I still can’t believe you like Britney Spears! Ain’t no real nigga likes Britney Spears! That’s some dumb shit, man. Stupid shit.
Thug #2: Whoa, hol’ up a second — Britney Spears is a nice, attractive woman, and I respect her. How can that possibly be dumb? What the hell’s wrong with that?
Thug #1: Nigga, did you hear what you just said? You ain’t just stupid, you gay!

–3 train

Overheard by: Mike N

I’m So Proud!

Drunk woman in long fur coat: Oh, you have to be fucking kidding me! I gotta pee!
Tourist: Yeah, we’ve been waiting for a while. [Nods in direction of unattended mop soaking in bucket, and laughs] I mean, you could always use that thing, I guess.
Drunk woman: Okay, alright — just tell me if anyone is coming! [Hikes up coat and begins to pee in bucket.]Tourist: Jesus Christ! I’ve been here one day, and I’m responsible for encouraging public urination.

–Line for restroom, McDonald’s, Times Square

Overheard by: wish i’d thought of that

Psh, Like the Fans Matter

Guy #1: And where did you go to high school?
Guy #2: [Names high school.]Guy #1: Wait, where are you from, again?
Guy #2: I’m from just outside of Boston.
Guy #1: So, you’re a Red Sox fan?
Guy #2: Yup.
Guy #1: Asshole.

–6 train

Overheard by: Fellow asshole