Lead singer of The Stitch Ups: What’s your name, sir?
Audience member: Samantha.
Lead singer of The Stitch Ups: Holy shit!
–Blender Theater, Gramercy
Overheard by: we thought she was a dude, too…
Archive for 2008
A Garland’s Still a Step Up from a Noose, Though
Woman #1: So our department keeps talking about how much they are trying to promote diversity and understanding of others, but get this, two weeks ago they put up garlands over the door! Like, that is so disrespectful to other religions! It gets better though, the next day they put up a plug-in menorah –somebody must have complained.
Woman #2: Oh…
Woman #1: You’re not going to believe this though, just the other day they took down the menorah. How can they be so ignorant of other religions?
Woman #2: Well… Chanukah’s over.
–120th & Amsterdam
And Filmed It for the Kids
Male student orientation leader: Hi, did you masturbate today?
Female student orientation leader: Yes, I did!
–Orientation, Baruch College
I’ve Been Thinking About Getting Out of Mental Illness, Anyway
[A crazy man is running back and forth on the sidewalk and uses a blonde girl to ‘hide’ behind.]Blonde: Excuse you!
Crazy man: What, you got a problem?!
Blonde, firmly: Yes. Could you stop being a weirdo around me?
Crazy man: Oh… Sorry. [He then proceeded to walk normally to the crosswalk.]
–57th & 9th
Overheard by: Not around me either
The Appeal Of Perez Hilton’s Site: Encapsulated
Female prepster: … And part of me is totally into really fucked up people with really fucked up problems.
Male prepster: Yeah. Me too. Totally, dude.
–110th & Broadway
Overheard by: Justin Casement
Instead of Going to a Third-World Country for That Stuff, Like I Do
Queer #1: Dude, I’m so broke! I never have any money!
Queer #2: That’s because you buy coke and get your face lasered!
–Vlada
Overheard by: K to tha B
We Should Stop Hanging Around in Trees
Girl #1: You know how lemmings commit mass suicide?
Girl #2: Yeah, so?
–10th & 1st
Now– Who Wants to Give Us Shit for Striking?
Conductor: [Steps out of the booth.] People, let me tell you about the day I’ve been having. Hold on. [Makes an announcement and steps back out.] First of all, we get a report that there are two men making love in the last train and have to go in there to break it up. Then we get two homeless women in here with all their bags and this lady all throwing a fit because they smell. The homeless woman says to her: “You better be getting out of my face!” and the yelling lady tries to grab her bags, she pulls out pepper spray and gets her right in the face! Hold on [Jumps back into booth.] and this lady right, she has her arms out in front of her face like this [crosses arms] like she got the power of Christ to protect her. We had the cops waiting at the next station and everything.
–A Train
You Guys Are Like the Gay Abbott and Costello
[Heading towards the restaurant “Good”.]Gay guy #1: Where are we going again?
Gay guy #2: It’s “Good”.
Gay guy #1: What’s good?
Gay guy #2: The name of the restaurant we’re going to.
Gay guy #1: I asked you what it was.
Gay guy #3: Oh, we are so not doing this…
–The Village
Perhaps the Tie-Dye Onesie and Lennon Shades Were a Poor Idea
Overly enthusiastic white dad: What are you saying no to?
Toddler: No no no no no no no!
Overly enthusiastic white dad: Are you saying no to drugs?
Toddler: No no no no no no no!
Overly enthusiastic white dad: Are you not saying no to drugs? Are you doing drugs?
–73rd between Broadway and West End
Overheard by: UpperWestsidette
