Archive for 2008

A Gar­land’s Still a Step Up from a Noose, Though

Woman #1: So our de­part­ment keeps talk­ing about how much they are try­ing to pro­mote di­ver­si­ty and un­der­stand­ing of oth­ers, but get this, two weeks ago they put up gar­lands over the door! Like, that is so dis­re­spect­ful to oth­er re­li­gions! It gets bet­ter though, the next day they put up a plug-in meno­rah –some­body must have com­plained.
Woman #2: Oh…
Woman #1: You’re not go­ing to be­lieve this though, just the oth­er day they took down the meno­rah. How can they be so ig­no­rant of oth­er re­li­gions?
Woman #2: Well… Chanukah’s over.

–120th & Am­s­ter­dam

I’ve Been Think­ing About Get­ting Out of Men­tal Ill­ness, Any­way

[A crazy man is run­ning back and forth on the side­walk and us­es a blonde girl to ‘hide’ behind.]Blonde: Ex­cuse you!
Crazy man: What, you got a prob­lem?!
Blonde, firm­ly: Yes. Could you stop be­ing a weirdo around me?
Crazy man: Oh… Sor­ry. [He then pro­ceed­ed to walk nor­mal­ly to the cross­walk.]

–57th & 9th

Over­heard by: Not around me ei­ther

Now– Who Wants to Give Us Shit for Strik­ing?

Con­duc­tor: [Steps out of the booth.] Peo­ple, let me tell you about the day I’ve been hav­ing. Hold on. [Makes an an­nounce­ment and steps back out.] First of all, we get a re­port that there are two men mak­ing love in the last train and have to go in there to break it up. Then we get two home­less women in here with all their bags and this la­dy all throw­ing a fit be­cause they smell. The home­less woman says to her: “You bet­ter be get­ting out of my face!” and the yelling la­dy tries to grab her bags, she pulls out pep­per spray and gets her right in the face! Hold on [Jumps back in­to booth.] and this la­dy right, she has her arms out in front of her face like this [cross­es arms] like she got the pow­er of Christ to pro­tect her. We had the cops wait­ing at the next sta­tion and every­thing.

–A Train

Per­haps the Tie-Dye One­sie and Lennon Shades Were a Poor Idea

Over­ly en­thu­si­as­tic white dad: What are you say­ing no to?
Tod­dler: No no no no no no no!
Over­ly en­thu­si­as­tic white dad: Are you say­ing no to drugs?
Tod­dler: No no no no no no no!
Over­ly en­thu­si­as­tic white dad: Are you not say­ing no to drugs? Are you do­ing drugs?

–73rd be­tween Broad­way and West End

Over­heard by: Up­per­West­sidette