Bus driver, on loudspeaker: If your stop is Main street, please get off here.
Punk high school kid in back of bus: Fuckin’ asshole!
Bus driver, on loudspeaker: Yo mama.
–Q88 Bus
Overheard by: quite amused
Archive for 2008
Hmm, According to This, It’s a Musical
Guy: Wait, what part of New York is Chicago in?
Girl: What?! Chicago isn’t in New York! Chicago is its own state.
Guy: No, it’s not a state! It’s called the “windy city.”
Girl: Oh, right. I guess it is in New York then.
Guy: Yeah.
Girl: Hang on, I’ll look it up on my blackberry.
–Fordham University
But the Arachnid Look Was Kinda Last-Season
Tacky girl #1: These shoes are too cute! [Points to a pair of shiny, patent leather heels.] Aren’t they totally cute?
Tacky girl #2: Yeah. So cute.
Tacky girl #1: So great… They’re like shiny little spider claws!
–Clothing Boutique, Greenwich Village
Overheard by: Amy
It’s a Universal Recognition Symbol
Guy #1, shouting: We’re in the Village!
Guy #2: The Village?
Guy #1: We’re in the Village!
Guy #2: Ok… The Village…
Guy #1: So if someone grabs your dick, you know what it means!
–West 4th St Station
Overheard by: DS
No Drug Cures That
Girl: I think it’s because he’s a drug addict.
Boy: No it is not! I know a lot of drug addicts, and they are nice! He’s just an asshole.
–Epoca, Fort Greene
Reports of Mr. Hefner’s Bedroom Activities Have Been Greatly Exaggerated
Store clerk with thick accent: Condoms? Which one?
Old man: No! Cough drops! Cough drops!
Store clerk: Condoms? [points at condom boxes]Old man: Look at me… What the heck do I need condoms for!? Cough drops!
–Port Authority
Overheard by: Renz
I Hope You Don’t Think I’m a Hobosexual
[hobo walks into the train with bag in cart]Drunk queer standing behind hobo: Move it or lose it.
Hobo: Who the fuck is that?!
Queer: Queen Victoria.
Hobo: I’m a marine, I’ll fucking kill you.
Queer: Let me know when you get your VA check, I’ll help you spend it.
Hobo: Yeah, sure I’ll do that.
Queer: In Central Park.
Hobo: I’ll call you.
Queer: My number’s 444-332. Call me at that number.
Hobo: I won’t call you.
[they get off the train giggling]
–A train, Columbus Circle
Overheard by: JohnD
My Daughter Licks the Screen Whenever We Turn on the Cooking Channel
Guy: Is there such a thing as too hi-res?
Girl: Yea, it’s called real life.
–16th St & 5th Ave
Overheard by: John Fischetti
So You Don’t Countess
Dreadlocked sales clerk: What I need is a bronze princess.
Latina sales clerk: I’m bronze.
Dreadlocked sales clerk: Yeah, but you ain’t a princess.
–Billionaire Boys Club, SoHO
Overheard by: Russ Wall
Making Your Wife’s Vajayjay “Talk” Like a Puppet Doesn’t Count
Cute blonde: We should go see The Vagina Monologues.
Awkward Indian man: Yeah, that’s my play!
–Columbia University