Archive for 2008

Benet­ton’s Next Ad Cam­paign Is Gonna Be Edgy

White chick, ex­am­in­ing bac­te­ria plate: Aww, my bac­te­ria are so cute. I have like pink ones!
Blondie: Lemme see. Ewwww… Is that what you col­o­nized from your hand?
White chick: Yeah…?
Blondie: Ewww, you’re dirty, don’t touch me.
White chick: Fuck you, I go on the sub­way all the time.
Asian chick: Me too. Hey, I have some white colonies on my fin­ger cul­ture… Maybe I have some white in me af­ter all.
White chick: And I have some yel­low colonies! To­geth­er, we are a per­fect rain­bow of tran­scul­tur­al germs.
Asian chick: Awe­some.

–Barnard Bi­ol­o­gy Lab

Over­heard by: Vicks­burg

…Not at That Wom­an’s Boobs

Tourist mom, talk­ing ex­treme­ly loud: Na­ture means hap­pi­ness.
Five-year-old son: Why?
Tourist mom: Be­cause na­ture means life ‑look at how beau­ti­ful na­ture is.
Five-year-old son: Whoa! Now that’s na­ture.
Tourist mom: The trees are nice; the road not so much… Look at the sea of trains…

–LIRR

Over­heard by: JUST­SHUT UP!

Do You Want to Hear About the Ass Sex, or Not?

Woman: I think she’s Russ­ian. No wait, I think she is from Ten­nessee, yeah she’s like this poor girl from Ten­nessee. So any­ways, she goes to the Hamp­tons… Wait now I re­mem­ber, she is from Utah; she’s Mor­mon. That’s it. So she goes to the Hamp­tons and meets this guy…
Man: Wait a minute, what’s a Russ­ian Mor­mon do­ing in the Hamp­tons?
Woman, an­noyed: [groan]

–Whole Foods Colum­bus Cir­cle