Four-year-old girl, riding waspy dad’s shoulders: Daddy, are housing prices going to go down any time soon?
Dad: I sure as hell hope so.
–187th & Broadway
Overheard by: trump-i-poo
Archive for 2008
Aw Well, Let’s Head on Back to Columbia
Bimbette #1, looking at the library: Oh wow! It’s so pretty!
Bimbette #2: God, I wish we were smart enough to go here!
–Outside NYU Library
Overheard by: Kathryn
She’s the Texas of Middle-Schoolers
Michelle: Hey, I wanted to go first, what the hell! You always cut me!
Asian friend, playfully sarcastic: Haha, hey, relax there, tiger. Ohhh yeah, everything is all about Michelle! Did you hear that sir, it’s all about Michelle? Don’t mess with her!
Michelle: Haha, shut up!
[Thirty seconds later.]Bus driver, on intercom: Just so everyone is aware, it’s all about Michelle. Don’t mess with that one.
–Port Authority Bus Terminal
For the Last Time, I’d Just Had a Vanilla Milkshake
Chick: No, seriously, man, I think your cat has rabies…
Guy, offended: And I thought you had rabies when I come home and find you hiding in my curtain yesterday, but I didn’t say anything then, did I?
–Greenwich Village
Guess Who Failed All Four Parts of the CPA Exam
Drunk nerd #1, extremely loud: Accountancy! Woo!
Drunk nerd #2: Yeahhhh!
Drunk nerd #1: Revenues and expenditures!
Drunk nerd #2: Awright!
Drunk nerd #1: Balance sheets and shit!
Drunk nerd #2: Huh?
–L Train
Where Was Your God When You Wet the Bed at That Sleepover Party?
Eight-year-old Italian boy: My god… My god isn’t Allah, right?
Teenage sister: You don’t have a god.
Eight-year-old Italian boy, screaming: Yes I do!
–30th Ave & Crescent St, Astoria
Overheard by: Regardless, he surely has a beard
Did You Bring Your Camera?
Annoying hipster: Hey man, you still have that hook up for blow?
Guy #1: No man, he went under, I have a new connection now. Just go to the second bodega at the corner and ask the guy for a fairy dust pizza.
Annoying hipster: Really, alright man, thanks.
Guy #2, after hipster leaves: That’s not true, is it?
Guy #1: Of course not.
–Meserole St
Wasn’t “Jesus” His Stage Name, Anyway?
Girl #1: She asked us once if Jesus had a last name.
Girl #2: Oh. [Pauses.] Wait, I know this one.
–Penn Station
Yet I’m Oddly Hungry
Woman in elevator: So then he just bit off the hamster’s head.
Man in elevator: That’s gross.
Woman in elevator: I’m telling you. That’s what happens when you don’t feed babies. They just bite off hamsters’ heads and eat them. It’s disgusting.
Man just entering elevator: This is so disturbing.
–Elevator, Ripley-Ggrier Studios
Overheard by: a poor victim of this conversation
Would Also Help Solve the Problem of What to Put in My Video-Will
Old man: By this time of day, my left buttcheek always starts hurting! Not the right one, just the left one. In the morning I feel fine, but by the afternoon… It hurts!
Old lady: I don’t know what to tell you, Earl. Maybe you need to shake it more.
–Bay Terrace
Overheard by: Sov