Archive for 2008

She’s the Texas of Mid­dle-School­ers

Michelle: Hey, I want­ed to go first, what the hell! You al­ways cut me!
Asian friend, play­ful­ly sar­cas­tic: Ha­ha, hey, re­lax there, tiger. Ohhh yeah, every­thing is all about Michelle! Did you hear that sir, it’s all about Michelle? Don’t mess with her!
Michelle: Ha­ha, shut up!
[Thir­ty sec­onds later.]Bus dri­ver, on in­ter­com: Just so every­one is aware, it’s all about Michelle. Don’t mess with that one.

–Port Au­thor­i­ty Bus Ter­mi­nal

Did You Bring Your Cam­era?

An­noy­ing hip­ster: Hey man, you still have that hook up for blow?
Guy #1: No man, he went un­der, I have a new con­nec­tion now. Just go to the sec­ond bode­ga at the cor­ner and ask the guy for a fairy dust piz­za.
An­noy­ing hip­ster: Re­al­ly, al­right man, thanks.
Guy #2, af­ter hip­ster leaves: That’s not true, is it?
Guy #1: Of course not.

–Mese­role St

Yet I’m Odd­ly Hun­gry

Woman in el­e­va­tor: So then he just bit off the ham­ster’s head.
Man in el­e­va­tor: That’s gross.
Woman in el­e­va­tor: I’m telling you. That’s what hap­pens when you don’t feed ba­bies. They just bite off ham­sters’ heads and eat them. It’s dis­gust­ing.
Man just en­ter­ing el­e­va­tor: This is so dis­turb­ing.

–El­e­va­tor, Rip­ley-Ggri­er Stu­dios

Over­heard by: a poor vic­tim of this con­ver­sa­tion

Would Al­so Help Solve the Prob­lem of What to Put in My Video-Will

Old man: By this time of day, my left buttcheek al­ways starts hurt­ing! Not the right one, just the left one. In the morn­ing I feel fine, but by the af­ter­noon… It hurts!
Old la­dy: I don’t know what to tell you, Earl. Maybe you need to shake it more.

–Bay Ter­race

Over­heard by: Sov