Archive for 2008

Ever Played “Adult” Dou­ble Dare?

Drunk girl: That sucks that Soul­jah Boy is get­ting sued. His song is re­al­ly good.
Drunk guy: Are you se­ri­ous? Do you know what “Su­per­man” means?
Drunk girl: Yeah, it means you ejac­u­late on some­one’s back and stick the bed sheet to it. Like a Su­per­man cape.
Drunk guy: Ok, but do you know what “Spi­der­man” means?
Drunk girl: No.
Drunk guy: It means you cum in your hand and throw it at the chick in a big blob!
Drunk girl: Ewww, like Nick­elodeon Gak!

–House Par­ty, Bronx

Over­heard by: Sromeo

Al­so Her Po­si­tion on Im­mi­gra­tion Re­form

(in front of the steps of The Met­ro­pol­i­tan Mu­se­um of Art)
Tourist: Ex­cuse me, do you know where The Met is?
Pissed off lo­cal woman: Walk sev­en blocks that way, take a left and walk four blocks.
(tourist walks away)
Pissed off lo­cal woman to friend: The next time some­one asks me that, I’m giv­ing them di­rec­tions to the Bronx.

–82nd & 5th

Over­heard by: olivia

Of Course, We Burn the Urine First

Woman: Ex­cuse me, where is your bath­room?
Cashier: I’m sor­ry, we don’t have a bath­room in this fa­cil­i­ty.
Male cus­tomer: What do you guys do when you have to use the bath­room?
Cashier: How do you think our cof­fee gets its unique fla­vor?

–Star­bucks, Times Square

Over­heard by: Mak­ing my own Espres­so from now on

News­Flash: Ru­by Slip­per As­s­kick­ing in Bryant Park!

Tourist la­dy #1: Look Sher­ry, there’s the tree.
Tourist la­dy #2: Wow, great! I’m soooo ex­cit­ed. (sees it) That’s it? Looks big­ger on TV!
Tourist la­dy #1: Every­thing looks big­ger on TV. Oprah is­n’t re­al­ly that fat.
Passer­by: This ain’t Rock­e­feller Cen­ter ladies, go back to Kansas.

–Bryant Park Tree, 6th Ave & 41st

Over­heard by: tonyElev

How Come Roast­ing Nuts Aren’t Gross When Nat King Cole Sings About Them?

Male suit: Ugh! What is that smell?
Fe­male suit: It’s from the nut guy.
Male suit: Who?
Fe­male suit: The nut guy. He’s over there sell­ing warm, roast­ed nuts. He’s nuts for nuts!
Male suit: Oh. Man, it’s freez­ing out here! I wish some­one would roast my nuts!
Fe­male suit: Don’t be gross! There’s kids around!
Male suit: Yeah, what’s up with all these kids? What is up with 5th av­enue?
Fe­male suit: I think it’s a school trip. They’re here to see the tree.
Male suit: That’s fuck­ing dumb! Their ass­es need to be in school!
Fe­male suit: Wow, you’re un­pleas­ant!
Male suit: Screw you! You’re nuts for my nuts!

–Rock­e­feller Cen­ter

Over­heard by: Juan Chung